Fading away

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by resistance, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Eh, I'm losing it. I'm not bigheaded but I used to be quite intelligent, I was in the top classes getting the top grades etc but all that changed about 2 years ago and now I seem to be just fading away.

    I wake up in the mornings without the energy to do anything. Normal day to day tasks are hard to accomplish. I can't seem to draw anymore and I lack "brain power" to write poems & stories etc, and that used to be one of my favourite hobbies, even my language skills are struggling which is a reason why I struggle with the writing. My memory is terrible and I forget things easily. I haven't the energy to do anything and I waste my days going online etc.

    I am trying to get myself out of it. I have job interviews and I volunteer for the british red cross but i'm lacking that motivation and it's hard. I literally have to drag myself out of bed when I could stay there and sleep my life away.

    I'm not eating properly. I lack appetite. So maybe the diet isn't helping matters. Perhaps if I was to go back on the vitamin supplements that'll help and I need to read more. If I read more, would that help? Maybe I need to force myself to do things because as extreme as it may sound I really do feel like I am slipping away and I'm half the person I used to be, and I don't like it. It makes me want to give up. I know I need to do something.

    Started this thread because I'm "thinking aloud", but if you have any ideas or comments, or if you can relate, then please reply, I'd appreciate it. I want that "spark" back.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    All of that, if you break it down, is pretty much a symptom of depression.

    ~loss of self esteem
    ~lack of concentration
    ~lack of energy
    ~lack of motivation
    ~changes in appetite
    ~a feeling of hopelessness and wanting to give up

    My advice is to go to the docs and get some help. If you have been before then go back because whatever they are doing to help you, is not helping.

    The docs can offer help and support, maybe meds, maybe therapy, but a whole world of help out there.

    Hang in there
  3. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    Hm...I can relate to the writing thing. After I was sent to the hospital, I lost my abilities. I can still write I suppose, but it's not as eloquent and precise as it used to be.
    But that doesn't help the situation. What does...

    Sometimes it's like a drain I suppose. There's annoying stuff clogging it up, so all the water can't go down. Force yourself to write. Not even trying to make a poem, one of those free write diary entries where you make a vow to sit and scribble a lot for at least x period of time. It should become easier and easier to express what's on your mind.

    But that's not exactly the problem, huh...


    Motivation is a hard one. This can backfire, but I'll say it anyway.
    At times I pick someone else who seems to be handling the situation better and I immerse myself in them- see their point of view.
    Then I try to believe that point of view.
    I guess it can be called not being true to yourself, but perceptions are what make the world. Each truth is different.
    Change their perceptions! And maybe yours if you can.
    Then reality is changed.
  4. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I relate to your post resistance. Brainwaves are temporary; intelligence is permanent. Depression can act as a thick black smog on brainpower. But guess what? Your intelligence will act as a rudder to guide you through the haze of confusion, and back to full mental throttle.

    I find waking up/getting up very challenging. Always feel dog tired no matter how many hours sleep I've gained. I also tend to view waking up as the catalyst for another uninspiring day of mental anguish. But I have some tactics:
    1) I play an uplifting pleasant song when I wake.
    2) I open the window and take in five deep breaths of fresh morning air.
    3) I set the central heating so that the bathroom is warm&cosy before I shower.
    4) I sing my uplifting song in the shower (singing generates endorphins).
    5) I have my clothes laid out from the night before so I can just whip them on without faffing about thinking what outfit to wear.

    I have the opposite problem to you on the food front. I tend to eat a wee bit too much with the logic that I'll have loads of energy to exercise. Alas when I don't exercise, I'm bloated like a balloon.

    The internet is addictive, no doubt about it. I can waste time surfing without realising I'm wasting time! Just try an entire day or two without any net, and see what happens.

    Good luck with the job interviews!
  5. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    Wow I definitely can relate to this post.
    I used to read like crazy....everything and anything. Now I feel like it takes me forever to get through a book and I find myself re-reading every sentence over and over. I cant sit stil. I cant focus. I feel DUMB....and Im a pretty smart girl!

    Some days I want to sleep forever......other days I cant sleep for shit. Im either not eating anything....or eating the entire house.

    I wish I could get on track and just not be so friggin extreme.

    I understand completely though....I can def relate!
  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Thanks for your replies. It's good to know other people feel the same way. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. My sleep patterns are erratic I can sleep for 10 hours straight maybe even longer, but then other times I can't settle down and can't sleep at all. No matter how much sleep, I always feel lethargic. Thanks for your replies I appreciate it. :hug:
  7. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    What you posted is almost exactly how I feel...I was always considered the smartest person in my school, but over the last year, I've lost motivation to do anything with my life. I had a crappy job that I felt was a waste of my intelligence, but I lacked the self-confidence to push myself to do anything more.

    I used to love writing and it was the best form of release I had, but the words just don't come to me anymore. I want to read, but it's hard to motivate myself to even pick up a book.

    I have trouble falling asleep. I have trouble getting out of bed. I'm terrible about returning phone calls and e-mails. I let the laundry pile up. I haven't done dishes in weeks. Some days, I literally forget to eat.

    So yes, I can definitely relate. I feel like I've wasted all my potential and failed at life. This started to scare me as well, but we're still here, so it's not over yet. So last week I made a trip to the bookstore and just sat there all night and read. And read. And read. And I could sort of feel the words coming back to me...I haven't tried writing anything again yet, but it definitely got me thinking and I felt sooo much better. From my experience, reading helped a lot, so definitely give it a shot. I wish I had more/better advice to give to you, but at least I can totally, definitely relate. PM me if you ever want to talk. :hug: