Fading Fast

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by twowolves80, Aug 6, 2016.

  1. twowolves80

    twowolves80 Darkness Incarnate; don't even bother

    Another one lost
    on the shores of past deeds,
    in the muck that sticks
    like a tarbaby,
    leaving sticky traces,
    washed with blood and tears
    and the cynical laughter
    of creeping madness
    slowly overtaking
    the exhausted mind,
    the weary soul
    that no longer has the strength
    to fight on.

    Why fight
    when there's nothing left
    to fight for,
    or over
    but a rusted shell
    of a wasted life,
    doomed to wander alone
    forever,
    the mark of Cain
    emblazoned large
    for all to see.

    It is better
    for me to go
    to my final end
    then to cause you pain
    or risk you
    whom I hold precious,
    subject you
    to condemnation
    because of me.

    It is inevitable,
    this pattern,
    my pattern,
    and I think I am nearly ready
    to face the void alone.
     
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  2. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Love your power to write. Thrilling peom, except last verse worried me:
    It is inevitable,
    this pattern,
    my pattern,
    and I think I am nearly ready
    to face the void alone.

    Of course, I suspect you were taking poetic license and writing from the point of view of that person or of yourself when you SOMETIMES feel like that. I definitely realize that poetry can be meant to be spoken by a character, not yourself. So I won't wreck my "review" by saying, Oh, it's you, you're looking at the edge, etc. tho I hope I'm right about that. It is a gorgeous weaving of images and textures, feelings and logos, muse and gut, all speaking to us. I told you you were a poet. With a LOT more poems to come. Standing ovation from the Chia Review Queen. :)
     
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  3. twowolves80

    twowolves80 Darkness Incarnate; don't even bother

    Thank you for the feedback. No, this one was pretty personal...Every day we live is a day closer to the final curtain, and I'm pretty sure that I will be the one choosing that day, not nature. But I don't worry about it because it's not yet. Some days feel closer than others...this piece is a reflection of that. And it's a reflection of my own frustrations with how others interact with me once they know more about me...
     
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  4. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Before I forget, two thing: Obviously my typo of "peom" meant to be "poem". Sorry I missed that. Secondly, your quote from Tears for Fears' Mad World is a choice from one of my favorite songs, altho I can only listen when I'm very stable. It darkens me, because it's so perfect a mix of music and words.

    But, yes, we do all get one day closer, unless we extend the time by certain health moves. Like they have now released a med that regrows the tips of your mitochondria. The shortening of the tips of mitochondria is what we call aging, and by lengthening them, they believe that repair may do some significant things. It was invented recently by 5 Nobel Laureates and one Physics professor from Harvard. They all take it and have indications it works. So I bought some, even tho, I often am so pissed that my parents had sex when MY egg was up for fertilization, giving me 80 some years to slog thru this difficult world. Anyway, ironic I would take a life extension trial med. Well, surprise! All this hair started growing on the top of my head. I still have a lot of thick very blond hair, long, but more grew in! Started at the time I started the product. It's even over-the-counter because the Nobel peeps didn't want to wait 20 years to get it to the public while the bungheaded FDA tested it into oblivion. Wow, I took another off-ramp on my point.

    About your poem, your power to write: it makes me sad that you might every want to leave early, and all the poems we'd miss, and all the unwritten wisdom we'd have gained as you grew very old and suddenly realized the deep wisdoms that only the very old see for the first time. And don't picture all very old people as stupid or demented. That's a white man falsehood. (I'm white) Other races, see it the opposite. Many are billiant past 100. Okay not 100, maybe but 90!

    Also, due to your obviously profound observational power and keen intellect, which anyone could see from your writing, there may be a piece of logic you might want to play logical tennis with. There are 2 paths: one to error and one to truth. Which to take? If you follow your FEELINGS, feelings are, by definition, irrational and will lead you down a logic-free path to darkness and error about this, the ultimate question: Which has more value: death or life? On the other hand, if you follow your LOGIC and set those painful feelings aside (who can steer a boat well when they are doubled over in pain? But even then, a map represents logic, and will steer the boat well despite heavy pain). If you follow LOGIC, you will correctly analyze the question: "Which has more value: death or life?" And we MUST DISCOUNT rare situations in foreign countries, when death might MIGHT be of more value. But discounting that exception, try answering the question of which has more value, death or life, using logic only. One word is the clue: options. In death, there are no more options. In life, there are infinite options and unforeseen developments. Therefore, by logic and pure math, unemotional analysis, more options means more value... and putting ourselves into a situation where we wipe out all our options is the same things the stinking government or ISIS does when they throw us in a cell for life. Inside the cell, no options. Outside the cell, infinite options. Why would we give up all those options? No matter what the motive for wanting out of here, if the death choice is a one-shot chance, we end our own option, not to mention: what if it fails? how do we know? If the act fails, welcome to having half a face. Then go for a popularity contest. Good luck with THAT. But if we WISELY set aside the single option for the infinite options, we might solve the very same problems, and a million twists in the plot can come to us. I just really feel you, and you are so damned smart. I beg you to analyze my little "what is of more value: death or life?" and use the HINT: THINK "OPTIONS".

    I'm very easy to hurt emotionally. If my unasked for response to your poem makes you mad, please be gentle in explaining so. I wasn't trying to upset you at all. I was playing logic tennis with you, just to think together. I can think of exceptions to "which has more value." But please be gentle in refuting me, if you do, as I've been gentle in happily playing with you in a fun debate analysis. And you know I look up to you so much, because of your intellect and power. So please be nice if you reply. I know you will. You always are, but I'm scared of getting someone angry at me. I hurt for days, literally, days, when that happens. So for now, ciao, and if you write more poems, is there a way to tell me, so I won't miss any? You are very publishable. And if you are young, you can EASILY apply for the Yale Young Poet contest, which is a lot easier to win than you might think. And tho I can see you are not a Yale fan, it's not about Yale. It's about them publishing and promoting your work and giving you a buttload of money to write more. I will now SHUT UP. :) Your friend, Chia PS I know how poets can get published. I know the steps. I've been much published for my poetry.
     
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  5. twowolves80

    twowolves80 Darkness Incarnate; don't even bother

    I'm at work right now, but I had to respond to this post. First of all, you haven't upset me or anything like that, so no worries. :D Second, I have to get some of this supplement that extends the telomeres at the ends of the DNA strands. Yes, I am well aware of the effect of telomerus on the DNA--round worms have telomeres that regenerate and have lived to be very old. The only worry I would have is that cancerous cells have the same regenerative properties on their telomeres, which is why they do not undergo apotheosis like normal cells, but if they have found a balance, then I want in...lol This getting old crap ain't for me.

    As for the rest...I am tired, Chiaro. Not just physically, but inside. I am ancient, and I'm not being alliterative. I grew up faster than any little boy had a right to, learned things out of season, and was exposed to things that have left me scarred and twisted. It was hard to read your post at work without tearing up...I have done so much damage, and so richly deserve whatever I get in the afterlife: Hell, or oblivion, and I'm not sure which terrifies me more. In this life, there are very few options for me, too, because of the past choices I have made. And it always seems that the choices I make lead me into dead ends that the only way out of is extremely painful...and no matter what, I invariably end up alone, inconsolably despondent with pain--not only mine, but the empathetic traces of the ones I have hurt...like my current situation with my fiancee, whom I am certain I will never be able to be with because I have no way to get her here anymore, and when I tried to meet her in the Philippines, I was turned around because my own government screwed up my passport due to my criminal past, then lied about it on an FOIA. Trapped again. Most of the time, it feels as though I simply drift from one misery to the next, with brief periods of lucidity and joy that are all too evanescent and ephemeral. I have been ruled by feelings for so long, to use your metaphor, that the logic in me has been burned away beyond regeneration. I am resigned to my fate, in this life and the next. There is no salvation for me.

    And as for publishing, it will always have to be under a psuedonym because my name has become anathema to the public, and it is politically expedient for it to be so. I've not heard of this Yale Young Poet Contest, but I'm sure that I am beyond their age category at 36--another missed opportunity, the same Pattern through my entire life. Always a day late and a dollar short. Always in the right place, but at the wrong time. Nor do I have the money to pursue publishing and contests, and I have grave doubts as to the quality of my talent as I am self taught. Sure, earned 7 college credits of creative writing through the University of Connecticut--what did it get me? Nothing. This is why I say I am the king of mediocrity--a jack of most trades and master of none.

    Same with the women in my life that I've dreamed beautiful lives with that never come to fruition because they are too far away, or taken. I won't bore you with details lest you think me shallow, but I have some standards, despite being a self-avowed hedonist. There is fun, and then there is settling down, and I've yet to be able to combine the two due to the aforementioned factors. My path is a dark one, and I grow tired of searching for the off ramp because all I find are empty promises, smoke and mirrors, and the howling echoes of madness within my own mind. And here's the rub: I have extreme death anxiety. I am thanatophobic, and yet...I still know how it will end, if not the exact time and method. That was what my poem, Life's Jest, was about.

    As for keeping abreast of the drivel I write, you're more than welcome to torture yourself by following the link under the Mad World link in my signature that will take you to allpoetry.com. My screen name is the same there as it is here, and I usually publish there first, and then here, though you are now warned, it is not light hearted poetry. Edgar Allan Poe had nothing on me. Make an account there and follow me, and then you'll see the poems as I post them.

    And again, thank you for your thoughtful response, though I still think that there are some people like myself who are beyond salvation.
     
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  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I want whatever will make me immortal. Sorry, I just want to live as long as I possibly can. I have death anxiety as well, but that is a powerful motivator to live life to the fullest. Besides, don't you want to see the crazy stuff I get up to when I'm 152? lol. You aren't old, you're a handsome young stud. Take a compliment for once! Believe what I say. You are a good person, despite what you may think. You haven't turned me away for the way I look. You haven't put me down or made fun of me. You haven't stripped away my self-esteem, you have built it up. And damnit....now I'm crying, lol. Because I know how you feel, deeply, but at the same time, I can't imagine the world without you in it. In a short time, you have become one of my closest friends. I hadn't considered moving for many other people, but I would or you. And I would need to leave my nephew behind, which would be hard as hell, but I would do it. So you know that you won't always end up alone, because I'll always be there.

    Your writing isn't drivel or crap. You aren't too old to get published. Have you seen some of the crap that sells? You are far superior to any of that. So I doff my hat to you. So does the little chipmunk friend. I don't know what I am rambling about here, but lots of feels. Hey, you chose me, and you know I'm not normal, so you asked for it :p Just keep writing, keep letting it out, and don't give up. Cliche but I am short on meaningful words right now.
     
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  7. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    WOW! Witty Sarcasm, that post was spectacular. I'm in some kind of awe! I know you lifted up Wolves with that. And you lifted up me, and I wasn't even in the conversation! :eek:
     
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  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you! I appreciate the kind words :) I am glad it was able to lift you up, and I hope it helped our Wolf as well :)
     
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  9. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Hey Witty_Sarcasm: Just wanted to tell you that I am also a writer and musician, poet and painter (I have very bad issues with painting and it makes me cry so I had to quit for now). I've been in many rock bands and play all the instruments, bass, rhythm, lead and drums, harmonica, bla bla bla and lead singer and 3-part harmonist. All my music is by ear. Not too slick on the music reading thing but I can play any song after hearing it once. Oh ain't I sumpthin. And wouldn't you think that would all add up to some kind of big deal? You'd be wrong. hahhahahahah I added up to merely existing, sometimes very happy (not manic unfortunately, just feel a lot of delight every day, long or short) and wish I could buy a video cam 911 alarm system that would keep depression outta my life (j/k of course about the alarm system). Depression is my mortal enemy. Attacks the living starch right out of me.

    I adore that you wrote "fun lover and magic maker" and the colors in your avatar send me to the moon! I am addicted to color. Color power and drawing (which bores me into Rip Van Winkle-ism) are all I have for art, (cannot EVER think up ONE original thing to do, can only copy others UGH!) so I'm currently not speaking to my art studio. :) I'm a joker with people I think will get my jokes, otherwise they think I'm cray-cray.

    Okay, just introducing what might be our similarities, but I hope you will like me, and that we can be pals on here who at least say hi when we meet. Cheers for the colorful energy and mystery you bring here, to me, at least, and probably to everyone. Nighty night from USA east coast timeline. Oh, here's a present: turquoise next to pink or magenta. Imagine it. Sweet dreams.
     
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  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Oh, nice to see that we have so much in common :) I haven't done any artwork for a long time because I never seem to be inspired. But I do love to write. I write poetry often, and currently working on a novel, which I have almost completed. I wish I could play that many instruments! I pretend to play keyboard and acoustic guitar. I just haven't been practicing enough and need to work harder to learn them. I am sorry to hear that your depression seems to drain you. It does the same to me, so I can relate to that quite a bit.

    I love colors as well! Especially things that are iridescent or shiny or multicolored. I have a wacky sense of humor as well. Nothing wrong with that. It is ok to be a bit weird. It is fun at the very least. I do like you, I like most people and you seem fun :) I will remember that color pattern. It would look nice together. Cheers from central time and hope you have a good night :)

    P.S. Sorry for bombarding you, Wolfie. Hope we can bring some smiles to your day :)
     
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  11. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Wolfie, I apologize too for going a little off-ramp on your thread, but it seemed okay since you are also the creative type and maybe you will enjoy vicariously listening to similar spirits talk about things you do, too. Sorry, tho. I know that was rude of me. :( but also :)
     
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  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    He said it made him smile a bit so I think he might be ok with it :p
     
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