FAIL........again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sofie, Jan 14, 2016.

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  1. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I started today committed to NOT thinking about suicide. To not obsessing over it and thinking abut how wonderful that thought is....and, of course, as always with everything I f***ing failed.

    Can't beat 'em...join 'em -- wish.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You did not fail - you started the day committed to taking a positive step. Making that commitment alone is a success and progress. You are attempting to control your thoughts and actions in way that may prove to help you - and anytime you try something to help or try to make a change from the pattern is a success because it requires effort and thought and recognition of the problems. Please do not be so hard on yourself or call yourself a failure for trying to do something positive when it would be so much easier to simply lie in bed and do nothing else about it at all but think about hope it could make things easier. You succeeded in changing your way of thinking about a day and should be proud.


    Promising to not think about something is probably the hardest way to not think about it. You would need to actually forget about your commitment to yourself to be successful. Might set a lower bar than completely defeating a problem as difficult as trying not to fixate on that in a single day to feel better about your successes?? - like every time you start to fixate on it instead you write down or think of 5 reasons that it would not be a good idea or 5 people that it would hurt or things you would like to do in the next 12 months (or 3 or 1 ) .... Then you will not need to stop thinking about , just change the concentration of a negative into an attempt at concentrating on a positive instead. If it works great, if not it just means my suggestion was not a good one for you and you can come up with a better suggestion for yourself perhaps....

    Take Care and Be safe
    - Ben
     
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  3. Renegade

    Renegade Well-Known Member

    You cannot push something away by trying to not focus on it, the only way to push something away is to replace it with something else. If you think about not thinking of suicide, the only thing that you'll be able to think about it indeed suicide. Put your focus to something else and the far away from that spectrum the more it pushes away or the less your chances are of focusing on it.

    It's like when i get nightmares and see aliens trying to abduct me, the only way I can push it away is to focus on something totally different.
     
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  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    There is no failure. Success comes from small victories. And taking that step to change is a small victory, even if it only lasted a minute.
     
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  5. OnceRob

    OnceRob Active Member

    The same thing was meant to be one of my new year resolutions, the problem is you get caught in a cycle that you just cant break. For me I know 100% that if I start drinking all my issues will go away, I have had such bad history with alcohol and drugs I know the suicidal thoughts are the better of the two evils. There is always a light I guess.
     
  6. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    For me, the better option would be to cut......or to sleep with random men.....or to sleep and stop functioning for a while.....but none of those are options now and I am left with suicide. And it hurts so much. I just want to stop hurting. I want to stop believing that I could end this soon. I want to stop feeling like I need the way I am feeling to end.
     
  7. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    You will make it. Remember you deserve love, compassion, caring, and self-forgiveness. Have the courage to give these things to yourself.
     
  8. OnceRob

    OnceRob Active Member

    Hi Sofie, I know this does not work for all but I have found that talking to Jesus helps me somewhat, I was bought up in a Christian family and always believed that he is the one person who cares and wants to help me. In a world where its clear no one else gives two f***s (especially the UK NHS) its a comfort. What you describe is awful, especially the sleeping with random men part because you truly are a treasure, you are something thats very precious and you just need to find the one thing that it takes to help break your cycle.
     
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