fail

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AtomicsAsylum, Mar 22, 2010.

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  1. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    I know that me and my alters have been posting a lot at the moment
    am sorry to post again:i'm sorry:

    i am feeling really bad at the moment wanting to OD but the meds are locked away so i cant get them my husband knows how bad things are and is trying to comfort me and tell me not to do anything

    i keep wanting my husband to forget about the meds one time so i can take them
    but i dont think he will forget

    Ella
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I doubt he will forget, because he loves you and cares about you.

    *safe hugs* You don't have to apologize for posting, it's okay. I'm here if there's anything I can do, or if you just feel like talking.
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope he doesn't forget the meds....I'm betting he would be devastated if you left him..
    hold on...
    take care...
     
  4. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    :console:
     
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I can understand your pain. My parents have my meds hid somewhere. I want to find them too. It's hard knowing that we will not be able to get them. But I suppose that's a good thing.
     
  6. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    Thanks for the replies

    i know that he would be devastated if i killed myself
    that the only reason am hanging on is for him

    Ella
     
  7. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    sometimes its all we can do is hang on for the sake of someone else. its still not easy. but it buys us time at least... *hugs*
     
  8. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Ella, do you have any idea why you feel like killing yourself? There has to be an underlying reason which you have not told us. :(
     
  9. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    i have a few reasons why am feeling like this there is flashbacks voices and thoughts that am having
    the voices tell me to hurt my self hurt my husband and to hurt my cats
    the flashbacks seem so real it like i am reliving the abuse again
    and the thoughts are of me hurting other people
    something that i dont want to do and am scared that i might do it
    am scared to go out the house because of the thoughts

    its just all thoese things and i feeling depressed on top of all that
    i know its seems like stupid reasons to want to kill my self
    but when you are living throught it every day it gets to you after a while

    Ella
     
  10. notsaying

    notsaying New Member

    I have flashbacks like that about my grandfather. Have you ever had counseling for the abuse?

    I know it's kind of an ad nauseum response to that kind of thing, but it really did work for me, even years and years after I thought it had been dealt with. I still have the flashbacks sometimes, but the counseling helped me recognise them for what they were, bad memories. It's amazing how much just talking does help. It can help you to realise that someone actually does care, and that has all the meaning in the world when you're at the bottom of that dark hole.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2010
  11. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    am thinking about counseling unsure about it cos the last therapist broke my trust am unsure weather i want to go into that again

    i guess i really should if it is making me feel this bad

    Ella
     
  12. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    i ended up in A and E ( er ) because i cut a bit too deep
    they ask me if i was suicidal i told them no
    but i am feeling suicidal at the moment but everything is locked away and i cant get to the meds at all at lest for tonight

    Ella
     
  13. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    Any one around ?
    am feeling so bad at the moment

    Ella
     
  14. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I'm here for at least the next 20 minutes, before I have to shuffle off somewhere...
     
  15. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Ella, why do you want to kill yourself? Why??????? :(
     
  16. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    because i cant handle things any more i have flashbacks voices and thoughts that are telling me to do bad things to other people or to my cats

    i told my psych about it she said she needs to read my notes and then she will get back to me

    am waiting for another appointment with her but it not until April the 20th or something like that

    i have told my psych before about the voices and the thoughts and they did nothing at all
    Ella
     
  17. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I wish your care team was a bit more forthcoming about treating you. DID is a serious thing. They need to realize this.
     
  18. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    They don't seem to believe that i have DID i have been trying to get the diagnoses for about 2 years but all i got was that i have BPD
    and Schizophrenia

    Ella
     
  19. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Ella, I want to emphasize that I am not a doctor but I do have insight. I just am wondering if there is a conflict going on in your head. Most of the time when we have conflicting thoughts, there is something going on that causes us to feel like we are going crazy. But in actual reality, we are not. We are just trying to figure out (subconsciously) what is truth and what is not.
     
  20. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    What about your alters? I don't think you wanted to kill your husband. I don't agree with the diagnosis.

    You are a classic case of DID. How do they not understand?
     
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