Last night I felt like I was at my absolute low. I thought Bryan breaking up with me on March 25th was the worst day of my life, but I take that back. Yesterday It finally hit me that I'm the "Psycho ex-girlfriend" that every guy dreads. I'm bitter beyond belief, yet I'm only 18. I know I have the whole world ahead of me; finishing up high-school, going to college, getting a job, I still haven't fully experienced life. Enough blabbing - I gave somewhat of my backstory. What I'm trying to get at is that last night I attempted. I swear it should have worked, I tried it twice before and didn't NEARLY use as much as I did this time. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like my chest was on fire, but then I went back to sleep knowing it didn't work. I don't know why I feel so bad, I really don't. I constantly listen to and help people using only empathy and experience I've had in my short life. I have so much knowledge about things, but why is it that I can't use my knowledge and apply it to myself? How the heck can I feel so suicidal but encourage others to live? I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've had therapy since I was a freshman in high-school and now I'm a 2nd year senior. I don't find it beneficial at all, as a waste of my parents money. I was impatient for a week and that ended up costing us $2,000, my partial impatient program was for 2 weeks and was around $1,100. Insurance pays for so much but it still leaves my parents with a mountain of debt and it's all my fault. I'm a burden on my family, on my friends, on everyone here, and I'm so sorry. I can't keep on my happy mask anymore. If people ask me if I'm okay, I'll be honest about it now. I really really need support but am too afraid to ask.