Its wierd that so many people try to commit suicide and yet it seems more people fail at it then do suceed. I've taken so many overdoses in my life, that I shouldn't be here. I've taken different sorts of drugs overdoses, used alochol thinking it might help, i've used anti-sickness tablets to make sure my body doesn't reject the tablets, i've tried taking certain tablets and then sleeping tablets so that I fell asleep and won't wake even if I feel sick....but nothing works. I've tried more combinations to end this misery and yet still here i am, and I'm planning to do attempt again. they sey never give up and I've no reason to stop until I do suceed. The crisis team are handing me back to mastt team & cpn tomorrow, saying I'm now over the initial crisis I was 2 weeks ago when I attempted to take my life - 4th january 2009. Failed..I tried again 15th Janaury 2009. Failed. I'm tired of failing, I told them yesterday that when I can find out where to get a gun I will and I intend to use it. Its not that easy to get a gun where I live and as I don't know many people its even harder. I am even thinking of jumping, never before have I wanted to endanger someone elses life when taking my own life but even that is now a thought. I don't know, there is no magic cure to end this pain. No matter how hard I try, i fail at everything. All I wanted the last 5 weeks, (and in truth the last 3 years) is to be held by someone, to be taken under by someone and for them to be there like my mother should have been....but I've nobody and that hurts. sorry.