failed attempts but still planning :(

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by lost_child, Jan 20, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Its wierd that so many people try to commit suicide and yet it seems more people fail at it then do suceed.

    I've taken so many overdoses in my life, that I shouldn't be here. I've taken different sorts of drugs overdoses, used alochol thinking it might help, i've used anti-sickness tablets to make sure my body doesn't reject the tablets, i've tried taking certain tablets and then sleeping tablets so that I fell asleep and won't wake even if I feel sick....but nothing works. I've tried more combinations to end this misery and yet still here i am, and I'm planning to do attempt again. they sey never give up and I've no reason to stop until I do suceed.

    The crisis team are handing me back to mastt team & cpn tomorrow, saying I'm now over the initial crisis I was 2 weeks ago when I attempted to take my life - 4th january 2009. Failed..I tried again 15th Janaury 2009. Failed.

    I'm tired of failing, I told them yesterday that when I can find out where to get a gun I will and I intend to use it. Its not that easy to get a gun where I live and as I don't know many people its even harder. I am even thinking of jumping, never before have I wanted to endanger someone elses life when taking my own life but even that is now a thought.

    I don't know, there is no magic cure to end this pain. No matter how hard I try, i fail at everything.

    All I wanted the last 5 weeks, (and in truth the last 3 years) is to be held by someone, to be taken under by someone and for them to be there like my mother should have been....but I've nobody and that hurts.

    sorry.
     
  2. Simply Brett

    Simply Brett Member

    Well you aren't alone man, I hope you find something.. anything to keep you interested in what tomorrow holds.
     
  3. Kimi

    Kimi Well-Known Member

    Some one who succeeded in OD were so lucky, I think..

    OD is one of the most unlikely make one sleep forever..
     
  4. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I understand the depth of your pain. I wish that there were a way to show you that you can go on and things can improve despite what you have been through. I will never understand how some people can deal with traumatic things in their lives and others seem to never be able to get beyond it. I wish that no one ever had to be exposed to these things. I really do wish you could find even a few hours relief from the pain you feel. :hug:
     
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