Failed once again

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by White Dove, Aug 18, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    FAILED,

    Well I have failed at the time to do the attempt again.... okay now what happened that stopped me from doing it once more and before I mention this I want everyone here to know and all that come here that I myself am not stopping myself from doing it... There seems to either be a higher force behind it or an angel of power putting in road blocks to stop me...

    Now what happened to me...

    I went camping but had decided not to go to Indian creek due to the facts that I had blasted it online that was where I would be going to attempt my life and given the facts that I know of people keeping an eye on my computer that are involved with the law in some way so instead I went someplace else to do it at and to not have anyone to stop me cause I wanted it done and over with this time for good...

    Well , I gave my home key to my brother and his wife to have free use of my computer while I was gone and I left for camp.. took me 1 1/2 hours to get there but finally did and bought my set up place and put up my tent and all, got out my little gas grill and grilled me a beef patty and then with it being so hot outside I decided to go down to the docks and cool off and watch the boats and people water skiing and having fun , well I spent a good part at the docks just watching others have fun and reflect upon my life and that I have never ever really had any fun in my entire life.. seems all I ever did was take care of others to try and keep them happy and token care of from the time my mom first got sick when I was 14 up until now, I took care of her until she passed away, then took care of my younger brother , then kept the house up , took care of dad and made sure he took his meds and had something to eat , keep the clothes washed , quit school to help my brother continue on , etc..

    Well after watching others have fun right up until quiet time which was about 10 pm I think , I then decided well I might as well get it over with , so I head on back to camp to take everything I had brought with me and to do myself in.. well I get back to camp and start to take it and get just a few down and I hear this noise of a car coming in, so I quit and this really handsome guy is driving this big dully 4x4 pickup truck and he decides to set up a few feet away from me, said he got lost but finally made it here.. so he sets up his tent and then he asks me if I can help him carry his children who are asleep to the tent which I do, he had a 4 year old daughter and a 7 year old boy with him.. He mentions that he is from Ohio and he and his wife divorced and that this middle part of aug. is the only time he can spend two weeks alone with his babies..

    Well after that night he asked me to do things with him and his kids, we went fishing , hiking , and even had a marshmallow and hotdog roast.. I really enjoyed his company and his kids were so adorable.. Well the night before I had to check out he rented a boat and we rode out on the water at night time.. first time id ever been on a boat out in the water except those little paddle boats at the part here.. the stars were all so bright and the sky looked really big and it was almost like heaven... Well he got the boat back to the docks and we went back to camp.. and he kissed me on the hand and said take care Susan.. well I went on in and went to sleep. slept pretty good that night and when I woke up the next morning and went outside I seen that he had done left and I realized that I didn't even get his name so I went to the office and asked if I could get his name and the lady there said who??? Said no one else was beside me or camped near me cause I had asked for seclusion ..

    So now I am totally confused...

    Was he an angel? or did I just take way too much and dreamed the whole thing??

    He knew my first name yet I never told him my name and I sure didn't get his name..

    I find it kind of strange , yet I can and do believe in the power of God and do believe in guardian angels , but would a guardian angel appear as a man with kids??????? And would he be a man instead of a woman??? And would he stay with me the whole week to keep me from killing myself??????

    Well i got back home thursday and then went to the derbies in jamestown friday night then came home and got drunk with brother woke up this morning and had a bad hangover , threw up a lot but at least my pain was all gone last night but its coming back tonight...

    And get this , the minister A.W. comes over to my house tonight awell around 430 and says well i see you are still alive, well duh , until i can get a good time alone to do myself in i guess i will still be alive.. So much has happened this week that i just dont know what to think anymore..... Does make me wonder why he came over... Why is it that they come over when they find out you are dying with a terminal illness???? Why do that not come over when you are healthy??

    Well , anyway I failed or rather my time to do it has failed me once more... It has not stopped me from doing it just deferred it once again but I will say this , I will not make any more plans or set anymore time dates to do it in.. I will just wait until I find the right time and opportunity then do it cause if you make plans and set times something always interferes with it to stop me so without a date set I will soon find the right time to do it in but for the next day or two I am back, until i can find the right time to do it in..
     
  2. Mike Meyers

    Mike Meyers Member

    Its not uncommon for a person to get an unexpected phone call or have someone stop by when they are about to commit suicide. At least that is what I remember from reading a book on the subject a few years ago. In a good deal of cases, something comes up right before the act is committed.

    I don't know what the guy was, maybe on some level he picked up on what you were going through and decided to help. I do know that it is uncommon for total strangers to ask other total strangers to help carry their kids to a tent. THat alone makes me wonder what his purpose was there.

    So yeah, I would call it some kind of intervention, but I don't know what kind.
     
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Sounds like divine intervention to me, Susan...
     
  4. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I don't know what it all means but if you enjoy fishing , hiking, boating, and looking at the stars then you should simply do more of these things whilst you still can.
     
  5. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Don't know why I think about this post so much. Anyway...

    I once knew a lass whose time on this earth was short. She always wanted to go abroad, so we went abroad, she wanted to go dancing in a club so we went dancing in a club, she wanted to go swimming with dolphins, but it just never happened, I guess time wasn't on our side.

    The fact that she's dead upsets me, but what really upsets me most is that we never got to see those dolphins. It's strange, you live life for 30+ years and you don't think much of it, but then those last few months, weeks and hours suddenly seem so important.
     
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    yes they do ..

    when you know you have little time left then you tend to think about all the things you never got to do... Me i have not gotten to do a lot of things..

    Did go to church tonight though at mayland and listened to Arlen w. he is a very good minister and he came by to visit me saturday but i assume that it was not really him wanting to but others wanting him to come over , of course i may be wrong cause i have been wrong before...

    I told him about my cancer but he seems to not care or believe and frankly i dont care what anyone thinks anymore , i just dont care what they think, its the truth and rather they want to believe it or not thats them but i know when they learn of my death from it , they are going to wish they had.

    Bernard . B the minister from plesent hill knows about my cancer because his wife worked for years with the hospice lady betty and so as long as one knows and keeps me in their prayers that is all that really matters anyhow.

    At least i can get pain meds now and that will stop the cancer pain and i am hoping that when i see my counsler from the hospice that they can help get me a ride to the center in texas for some experienced care and who knows maybe they can help me fight this cancer... cause i really want the pain to stop and not want to die , but if thats not what God wants then i guess i will take whatever he gives me..

    As to the matter with D.D. and his wife , they will soon be history to me cause i am putting them completly out of my heart.. i want nothing to do with them.. they didnt care for my feelings , they never cared at all for me in the first place , and i was the dumb one.. i cared and i loved deeply , not anymore.. not going to subject my heart to that anymore...

    Best thing about it though is the pain meds are free and also

    a big THANK YOU to peanut for your help in the cancer center in texas.

    Thank you hun :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2007
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    WD,I must say I was elighted to see you back but it really hurt's reading your post's.I''ve never once seeing you swear or anything like that.
     
  8. TwilightHours

    TwilightHours Active Member

    Be it the divine intervention of a god, a guy who got free camp ground by leeching off your site, or a fabrication of your mind, it doesn't really matter. What matters is how it has changed your outlook on life.
     
  9. Could all these events possibly be a sign that you really are needed in this world? That there is a higher purpose for you out there somewhere? If you don't give up hope, you may just find the answer. :yes:
     
  10. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member


    I'm sorry if this post will offend anyone..but white dove..

    I just am in love with those two smiley faces coming together to hug eachother at the end of your posts! They give me a certain feeling and they're so cute and adorable!!

    Also, white dove, you have a very sweet personality..!
     
  11. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    I really liked that story White Dove.

    It's hard to say what really did happen. I would believe that he was a guardian angel or something of the sort. Maybe in time you'll think back and it'll make more sense? Or you could always see a psychic about it if you believe in that kind of stuff :laugh:
     
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    dont know about them psychic ... did try one time one of them.. told me i would marry a good man , have 3 kids , and have a good home life and family... i have yet to see that lol

    Ace ---- :hug:

    Twilighthours --- it sort of did??

    the me that you know -- perhaps

    ShalenaM --- AWWWW :hug:
     
  13. BrokenInside

    BrokenInside New Member

    This is a sweet story, but I can't help but wonder if that is the case (guardian angel, God intervening, etc..) then why are other's allowed to follow through with their plan?

    I am beginning to think that something divine is stopping me as well. I purposely ran into a parked 18 wheeler two weeks and should be dead. If you saw my van, you would wonder how I am. Not to mention, I FORGOT to take off my friggin' seatbelt. (And, I rarely wear it. <sigh>)

    I just don't get why we are allowed to suffer so much.
     
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