Failed Yet Again

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by downunder, Jan 7, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Failed yet again, tried a different method, read about it in the news, copied what these people did and nothing happened. Must be invincable or something, this is ridiculous. This is the 4th method I have tried. Due to see shrink on Monday but don't think I will tell her.
     
  2. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    :( this is no good, I feel sad that your in pain and I don't know what to say.
     
  3. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    *hugs
     
  4. im not sure what it is that makes you feel as though you have to be dissapointed that you can not kill your self.. i mean kill yoursefl that is such a storng couple of words, i mean there are worse things out there, dont you think it would be more productive trying to figure out why and how u can change this method of thinking instead of trying to figure out a way to atcually harm your self... because obviously a part of you still wants to be here, because its not the fact that you are invisible its the fact that a part of you does not want to leave this world. maybe you should focus on that.

    i really hope you get better because life is worth living
     
  5. alle_vite

    alle_vite Well-Known Member

    Hey downunder, you must really be hurtin inside to keep trying, but with 4 failed attempts i think that is telling you its not your time to go yet. Tell your therapist what happend and try and get the help you need to not want to keep attempting.


    Stay Safe

    x
     
  6. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    Beautifultradgedy, this is a suicide forum, maybe you're trying to be supportive but i don't see it that way, i'd think since you're a member on here you'd know how a person feels when they're suicidal, you completely give up, so you're not looking for a productive way of thinking or how to stop hurting yourself. Downunder i know how you feel, i've had many attempts, i'm not sure how many of them you can call real and how many half-assed, i know that i do always end up stopping it one way or another, i guess for different reasons, like one i didn't want my parents finding me like that, another time was i had od'd and was really sick and just wanted it to stop, i'm always mad i survive, but at the same time the next day i don't try again, and i don't feel happy or really even ok, but yet i deal with life until i hit that low again, maybe if we could find a way to get rid of that low so that it never comes back we could atleast live feeling ok, if not happy.
     
  7. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I am not sure what you mean by worse out there. THere is always somebody off worse than you. My problems are around my daughter killing herself 18 months ago, 60 minutes hassling me at the door, media sat off my house for a week, I was black mailed by someone over an amount of money I received, internet bullying with people saying I was a bad parent who did not even know me, pictures of her in a body bag on the internet, people making up youtube videos about her and horrible internet sites talking about the state of her body when it was found, the media was at the funeral, christmas has just passed which makes it hard, having an eating disorder, oh and add to that workplace bullying. my supervisor yelling at me because he is stressed out he is on leave and due back on monday. Having to go before the work doctor to be assessed to see whether I keep my job or not. My neighbours trying to get rid of my dog. All this in 18 months. Oh forgot to add my sister in law died of breast cancer just before christmas. Before she died we asked her to look after my daughter when she gets to heaven. Work is wondering why I am not over it as they think i should be in 18 months.

    With attempts one I nearly got caught doing, one i stopped, one I miscalculated, and the latest one caught in the middle of doing but from what I read people have died from what I did, but I didn't.
     
  8. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    downunder, i know i've no spoken to you before, but please, if you need anything. even someone just to talk shite to, please message me :hug:

    i'm sorry for your failed attempts, i understand how useless you feel after them, specially when others have sucseeded using a similar method :hug: we are all here for you :cuddle2:
     
  9. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    I'm so saddened to read about your daughter and you have my deepest sympathy. That must be really hard to deal with and everything else that's happened must have made that even worse. Please stay safe though, there has to be a better way for you to deal with these things. I am sure your daughter would have wished for you to carry on and to find happiness. Best wishes.
     
  10. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    Wow downunder i can't imagine how you feel, that all is so horrible, i'm sorry you've had to go through this stuff, all i can say is i'm a suicidal teen with a mother, and if i was to take my own life i would never want my mom to kill herself, but i can understand how these events could lead you to those thoughts, you've actually opened my eyes to how much my mom could hurt if i did die, i would hope for her to be strong and fight through the pain, i don't think you're a bad parent and i don't know how people can say things like that, i swear people can be so cruel, but please try to fight through this, i know your daughter wants you to stay alive to be ok, tell me have you taken time off from stuff in awhile, is there a way you can take like a week off from everything and just go out to a place like a little vacation to just get away, you can message me any time you need to talk about anything even random stuff and i hope you will especially during hard times.
     
  11. everyones perceptions of what they see and how they see it are different. Im simply stating my opinion. The reason i came to this forum was to see how everyone else copes, the only reason i am finidng a bit harder and tryin to make it easier by stating positive words and positive thoughts, is becasue 4 months ago my mum hung her self. I found her, this changed my perception of life even more. It made it a whole lot harder and way more confusing, and trust me i did not need any more confusion in my life. But to hold someone you love so much in ur arms, cold as an ice cube, and know that they have taken their last breath without anyone there... kills, and it really does wake you up and make you live on or fight on for something.. for someone.. what ever that may be...

    I was not trying to criticise any one, i dont see how you took it the wrong way, but your choice, i was merely stating a point and my new found perception, but you may interrprut things as you please.

    Take Care
     
  12. DownUnder,
    Yes there are worse things out there.. thats what i am saying.. i am always saying no matter how bad your situation is, as yours is, and i am so sorry to hear that and im sorry for your loss's. I dont see how you can snap at a word "worse of", its true, wats hard about that? Everyone categorises there situation as the worst possible because personal feelings are involved.. well thats what i belive and feel and i think i have the right to say that...

    I mean, personally as sad and distraughting things are for you, i think im worse of... I woke up one morning, to find my mum hanging... out of the blue, no depression signs nothing, and no note, nothing, just hanging there with the rope of the bath robe i had bought for her... Out of no where this happened.. That morning police, ambulance and everyone came, and the worst thing was that due to the cuircumstances of the body, they were not allowed to move her from the position i lay her in once i had taken her off with my bare
    hands... for 3 and a half hours, my mum, my best friend and my strenght was lying on the floor covered in a blanket i managed to grab in all the panic.... now the feeling of your mother who is everything to you, being freezing cold, and no breath out of her, and you trying to do absolutely everyhitng but knowing its not working... now thats worse off...

    in my opinion once again... so please dont attack me until you understand fully what i am trying to say, or atleast ask me.. dont have to get angry about a word or two, when all i was simply trying to say was that, yes it is hard and difficult but when you think about it there are things out there that are worse and much more difficult, even if you may not see it now, atleast try to.

    Hope you understand what i am trying to say .. Take Care
     
  13. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member


    Excuse me but i think that was extremely rude, i can't understand the pain that that caused you but how dare you say you are worse off then a woman who lost her daughter, nobody can say which is worse unless they've been through both but honestly in my opinion losing a daughter, who came out of you who you held inside of you for 9 months then cared for is a whole lot worse then losing your mother, a mothers love is a kind of love that nobody else understands untill you have a child, i'm not a mother yet i'm 17 and i believe it would be so much harder to lose a child then my mother, how dare you seriously how dare you say something like that, right now i don't have much sympathy for you, you going through something like that does not mean other people can't feel bad and you're worse off, and why should it matter if there's people worse off, everyones situation is different everyones situation has a different kind of pain and everyones pain matters, honestly some people may think i'm being harsh but i think i'm being as nice as possible after what you said.
     
  14. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    Stop freaking arguing about who's 'worse off' then who!
    Everyone has their own problems. Which are important to THEM. I mean, I haven't had half this stuff happen to me, but I still feel depressed etc when things come up in my life.
    I'm sorry all this has happened to everyone. And everyone deals with things in a different way. But everyone is here for a reason. And it is NOT to compare who is worse off.
    Just stop. And try and deal with your OWN. With people's help of course. Because we're all here for everyone :)
     
  15. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    Thank you that's what i was trying to say but that person also made me mad, all our feelings deserve recognition and everyones pain is different.
     
  16. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    Exactly. I understand what you were trying to say :)
     
  17. Jooper62

    Jooper62 Well-Known Member

    I am very sorry what your going threw.. tell your therapist and be honest with he/she.. everytime I tell mine she helps with the pain. I tell her i have a new method and we talk about things and then i am back in check.
     
  18. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    HateMeToday,

    Thanx for your nice reply. You are very mature for your age. If I have saved at least one person from what I am going through I am really happy.

    I am not into comparisons of who is worse off, I mean where does that get you? The media were even at the funeral. I did not get to see the body of my daughter as the funeral home would not let me, I would have loved to hold her hand and say good bye. Her body was found a week later in a decomposed state. My husband has lost his mother, father and sister, and says that this is the worst for him. He feels guilty that he was more upset over his daughter than his sister.

    I saw the shrink but she got stuck into me about not eating, and I think she was seriously pissed off at me so didn't tell her. I felt worse after seeing her.
     
  19. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish I could take away al your pain and what is associated with it. Coming to terms with a death such as this can take a lifetime. Do your best not to let it destroy you. Your daughter would not wish that for you. If you allow it to continue to be the focus of your existence it will be even more difficult to deal with. As for your therapist, tell her that perhaps if she spent more time dealing with the issues that are truly hurting you, the eating problem may be solved as well. Yes it is cause for concern and must be watched and paid attention to, but you should be allowed to choose wjich issues you wish to bring to the table for discussion. Don't be afraid to push if she doesn't look after your needs. Please don't give up. The day will come when you will be reunited with your daughter and questions answered, but this is not the time. :hug:
     
  20. I see were u are coming from, but it is exactly the point i was tryin to make.. everyone feels worse of when it effects them.. yes i do think i am worse of because i am here without my mother now, someone who has nurtured and tought me everything. I dont really care if i dont have your sympathy i didnt come here for sympaty i came for advice and to see how people cope and get through things.

    I dont see anything rude with what i said, and like the person below you said, everyone has their own problems, and should srgue about worse of, i never made an argyment or tried to, i simply stated that, i belive because it directly affects me that i am worse of. I my self have a daughter 7 month old, and i would die if anything happened to her, yes i know what you are saying and i know its a different scenario all together, daughter vs mother, but personally i stand by my point.

    said nothing wrong there.

    hope you understand and take care
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.