Failed

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Breathe, Nov 2, 2009.

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  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I did it again.

    6 months of being clean of cutting, burning, bruising.

    Couldnt take it anymore.

    That constant memory. That craving to feel the blade agaisnt my skin and let the blood and pain wash the anger and depression from my heart.

    I dont know what to do. The only thing that seems real at the moment is the bleeding wound on my arm.

    I should be at college right now but i cant be arsed. I want to sit here and wallow in self pity nd try to sort the things in my head around.

    I'm so lost.

    Its been a while since i let myself fall into these dark habits.

    I need help with the anger, the depression with the hallowness. But i'm scared. I need to talk to someone but my parents have said if i cut again they will send me to the mental hospital themselves and abandon me.

    They have already abandoned me really. They refuse to pay for anything apart from the bills for the house we share, and food. I have to get a job to pay for my clothes, trips, college and everything. How can i when i have a full time college course.

    I need help.

    I hate myself.

    I want to feel normal.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Here are some things you can do. You can start a diary here. You can post to it day and night. This and posting to forums is one way to let out a lot of anger. Also, get counseling to get more of this anger out too.

    Keep posting here. We will walk you through it.

    :hug:
     
  3. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    I agree with Chargette!

    Keep busy, do things that you enjoy, exercise, listen to music...it's hard to distract urself when ur feeling this way but it's all about re-training your thoughts...start today!

    TC, Shauna
     
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