Failing at being "positive"

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Much afraid, Mar 7, 2013.

  1. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    I've held it in; I'm trying to be "good" and avoid the paranoia - could they answer an email or post something?!?? I should be used to it - I've lived most of my life in the is very difficult to change one's "distorted thinking" however when the lack of response is so blatant. Why WOULDN'T I feel worthless if they won't take a moment to respond when I've made the effort, specifically to connect?!? :/.

    The silent screams continue to build. I just want to vent instead of explode. If you've felt similarly, feel free to share. If you feel compelled to point out my flaws, please don't - today has been difficult enough already.
  2. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    The positive thinking bit has been a huge failure for me, too. It doesn't work for me.
  3. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hi Finance - it seems pointless most of the time. I like the IDEA of being positive about things but I guess my grid is more on the negative, glass half empty side. Wish the positive worked for both of us... It looks so good on other people. Of course they could be faking it, I guess... ;)
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, that whole positive thinking thing is easier said than done, especially if you've depressed more than half your life like I have. But you aren't alone, and you can talk to me if you need to vent or just talk about anything. I'll always be there to listen and try my best to help.
  5. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Thank you witty. This seems an ongoing point of contention...if I isolate there's no frustration when ignored by "friends" BUT if I isolate I'm not trying to beat this (whatever it is). Seems so bizarre. Thank you for being open to contact. :D. That means a lot. ttys!
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am also struggling with this issue after a debilitating illness...finding my blessings...seeing my world differently...sometimes I can hold on to it and sometimes it seems so distant...I think it takes work and guidance to balance not denying what is going on with acknowledge the good.
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    from my experience, being positive doesn't happen over night, so don't be hard on yourself. My mind's thoughts go so fast that by the time I realize I'm hurting myself and being negative, I've done some damage. The first thing is to catch your negative thoughts...then once you do that, change it into positive, then use as a takes a few tries to do it...but it takes years to master it because we've spent most of our lives looking at the negative of ourselves...

    I always think the worse when someone doesn't reply to my email or messages....but now I try to tell myself things like, maybe she/he is in the bathroom, his/her computer has crashed, or that she/he had to go etc...but when I think low of myself it's easy to think they think so too...

    anyways sorry for the long post...oh and vent away :) you'll feel better's better out than in I say
  8. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hey Sadeyes and Morning Rush! Thank you for responding.

    I agree this takes time to cultivate as a typical response. (And probably a lot of guidance and reinforcement.). This is very foreign to think positively when thoughts have always been positive toward others and negative toward myself. And the whole idea of actively keeping in touch is work. Not that others aren't worth every moment but it is really hard to believe what T is trying to reinforce when they don't answer or accept invitations or whatever.

    I have been trying to allow for possibilities - computer down, they're sick, something urgent is keeping them from responding - that only works briefly (so far). It is way too easy to believe I'm not worth the effort or their time or the real sledgehammer - they didn't really mean we were friends, it (I) was some kind of project or experiment and they're done. I don't understand why I continue to doubt them when they've really been nothing but kind and understanding. The mind is a puzzle and I'm tired of working puzzles. ;)

    Good luck with trying to stay positive. I'll keep trying too. When it gets too hard some days I will probably melt down (at least figuratively speaking.). Thank you for letting me blather on.
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Here's an image we can hold in our heads concerning being positive - at the same time being totally truthful and realistic. Think of yourself as a diamond that has many facets. Why a diamond sparkles is that light reflects from one facet to another - and the most sparkling of diamonds have the fewest "inclusions" which I suppose are the diamond equivalent of a black hole - which absorbs the light instead.

    So in this way, we can come into an understanding of what our own particular inclusions are, that sap our positivity and strength and hope etc. BUT, they are not ALL of us - we must be honest. There are facets which do reflect well - so we can be thankful for these and choose to dwell there, rather than in the inclusions.

    This diamond picture has been a life-saver for me, I've been thinking about it for about 3 years now, and know that the healing which has taken place already is because of it - I really would recommend you give it a try!
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so glad to hear that you will continue to try and if you melt down, please PM me...that is one of the functions of my PM box..Melters' Anonymous ...and as it is said in old school...'keep the faith' (or whatever u believe in)...with caring
  11. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    one thing my therapist thought me is that there will be bad days and good days...that when bad days come, tomorrow is another day...two years ago I had a big crisis and was in pain and crying every day so now when I feel bad, I have this instinct of panicking thinking I'm back at that telling myself that it's normal to have a bad day and that when I go to sleep and wake up it will be better took some time to work for me...but now I don't get so anxious when I have a bad day...we all have a right to a melt down and venting...I see it as letting the bad out to let good in :) at least I try to think of it like that...doesn't always work but it does work eventually...

    it's a lot of work to get rid of years of what I learned...I wonder what makes us be negative of ourselves but be positive for others? why couldn't we be taught that when we were kids?
  12. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Thank you urPrecious - that is a great visual. I will have to consider this. I don't know much about diamonds (but I like them! :D)
    Thank you for sharing that!
  13. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    You've got my word Sadeyes - I will definitely PM and until then keeping the faith is an excellent plan. Well, trying any way.;). Hang in there too - this stuff is all such a roller coaster ride. Here's to the fun rides and child like joy more days than the drudgery and/or sadness we often battle. Take care too!
  14. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    An important element and reminder Morning Rush, thank you! It's so easy to go from making progress to "worthless again" - so being kind enough to allow ourselves the try again space is really important. No big surprise that's not a strong suit for me, yet.

    It is really so odd that we can allow others the freedoms to mess up, if you will, and provide them words of encouragement but we don't seem to naturally do the same for ourselves. It should be something we learn as kids. I guess, depending on individual experiences maybe we learned to be kind to ourselves AND others but life maybe gave us one hard knock too many and we decided we weren't worthy...idk

    Well, we can try to start to be nice to ourselves too. I'll try it - how about you?

    Thank you for sharing (and thank your therapist for giving you that tip too!). :D
  15. Davekyn

    Davekyn Banned Member

    It can be overrated at times ... I feel this way even when I am feeling good about myself. Seeing it in others when feeling so down can be hard to swallow, however it does not help when those being so positive fail to check just high they are and how it can actually make others feel worse than they already are. My moods does not make it easy for me to asses such things at any rate and I get depressed thinking anything of others to begin with ... although we can't help ourselves with judging others, I feel like crap most of the time for doing so in my depressive and aggro state.

    When trying to find reason to go on like so, and then see some bubble individual pop into the room high on positivity handing out all sorts of advise ... well ... whatever air I had managed to keep myself afloat, just deflates and I want to be somewhere else.

    It's nothing personal ... well I try not to make it that way ... I know for some people its the way they handling their own anxieties. My sister is so charismatic about everything, it drives me insane and I no longer see her ... however I know that's the way she ticks ... BUT if I can't stand my own sister like that ... I definitely don't have time for others whom bounce of the walls with positivity.

    Looks like I am not much help here ... Positivity I see like "the law of attraction" and other quick fixes. Think it ... therefore you will be it type of thing. Whilst there is wisdom to some of this ... I am tired of seeing how quick people are to think that they know much better with their little feelings of positivity which are more quick to burst when others are NOT so quick to tune in like so ... then the prescriptions come. You need this and that, you need to stop thinking that way and follow this ... bla bla bla

    Count your blessings and on and on ... No one knows the path ye walk so don't even try to prescribe I say. It's all in the tone for me ... Positivity is very much overrated with suicidal individuals ... INDEED INDEED!

    When it comes to balance for some ... a simple routine and diet with accepting reason to go on is much better than the professed bubble of positivity for when such bursts on contact with reality ... then comes those damn prescriptions again and again.

    A simple smile, nod and or touch is far better than those useless and thoughtless questions and statements in the presences of those so done with life itself ... "Oh what a sunny day!", "What do you do for a living?" and on and on OH" OH" & more OHs ...

    Finding a little peace in this insane world ... has nothing to do with being positive. Looking to such things is doomed from the start ... let positivity find you when the time is right! It's so so overrated and quite damaging as I have tried to explain ... I best be working on my sensitivities before I ever think of what feeling positive is like ... YOU DON"T NEED to be searching for such things ... again ... one can have moments of peace without such bubbly feelings. Perhaps therein lays the real issue ... of how each of us perceives what positive is! For some its bolts of shinning light emanating out ones bum ... for others its to breath without feeling like your chest is going to collapse ... simple peace and quiet where one can think ... the ability to step outside ones gate and take a few strides. That's more than positive enough for most of us ... this is what I think.
  16. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Davekyn - thank you for responding. I think you make an excellent observation that what is positive for one person is possibly poison for another (too sweet sometimes for a diabetic to handle). ;). Ive never been bubbly ~ maybe im a little jealous that i have to work at it so hard sometimes. I can do much better in a quiet, subdued way but some days even that is too much to ask of me.

    I have to let you know that you made me smile with the bolts of shining light image/example. Actually you made me laugh out loud. Some days call for acerbic wit, so thank you for making me smile and laugh today. :D

    P.S. I think that qualifies as a win in the positive column for you!
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2013
  17. Davekyn

    Davekyn Banned Member

    I do appreciate your response "Much Afraid" However there is much much more anger and frustration left in me ... even when my depleted reserves run dry.

    I.m even done with people like Eckhart Tolle and the many similar sentiments that abound. What starts out as some kind of hopeful message is often tainted with "religious" plays that smell terribly of consumerism. The audience laugh at the "humorous" responses concerning the opinions of others regarding religious views that differs from one another. Such good intending and often insightful messages are often tainted by such EGOs, whilst in fact those preaching/teaching tell us to diss-identify of such things . ... please excuse my example, as I am tending to think more on the "Hypocrisy and or Irony that abounds" which so often debilitates the very message itself.

    This all comes down to the way we ask those thoughtless questions of others, whence we ourselves are doing so well. (Kind of thing)

    People seem to thrive on making excuses in order to hide from those things that discomfort so ... whilst I feel there is much more I need to explain about that statement; I have reached my limit on this for now ... people pumping themselves up type of thing ... unfortunately the way I feel and others whom are so tired of this whole "presentation living" ... are often just viewed on the other extreme. ... Sigh ...

    I get that when, say someone in here says "hun", that they mean well ... like a compassionate tap on the shoulder and a kind whisper in the ear ... but such is the damage of this world with all its Selling, that it feels as though our paranoid induced states, leave us feeling desensitized due to all the whisperings and deceptive chatter that is continually aimed our way where ever we go. We hear it in the waiting rooms of hospitals, doctors surgeries, Transport vehicles, shopping malls and so on. Even when we switch off! we still hear all this deception and denial echoing around us ... it's like there is no escape from such oppressive living. It's become so loud in my head that even with my damaged and failing ears, I hear it annoyingly so loud that is makes me sick most places I go. Allow me to add further, that these tellings are designed to leave us feeling demoralized if we do not comply or find ourselves with no means to sooth the craving of said addictive living. Anti depressants do not work that well for me ... "as although YES they can help in a crisis/repeated events of risky outbursts" The real issue for me does not change how it is I see and hear, when I step outside my door ... often I can still hear such oppression making its way over from the neighbors that cram me so. What intensifies it more is the way they cling, to their things and bask in such obvious peril. (when these would be bliss seekers feel confronted with the destabilization of others ... CHOICE is the word the bellowed; claiming such is how it is that we suffer so ... Tis another story that beckons light to shine on such monstrosity of reasoning grrrrrrrrrr!!!!)

    Hence it is, that I cringe most of the time ... living from one day to the next, because there really is not one place left ... that does not have that oppressive static; so commonly emanating from some plastic electronic box! To me, it's like some 80's prophesied Si/Fi futuristic brainwashing oppressive culture that has come to be.

    So whilst I can gather the strength to say friend ... I thank you for your time, before I regress inward and fest some more ... that I do appreciate what you have said. One can smile and jump a few times and not be regarded as bubbly ... It raises a glimmer of hope in me, that you simply get my gist. It's the simple things, that most of us miss. (´_`。)
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2013