Yeah I guess i'm failing at getting better. I'm on meds, have been for a long time. They seemed to be working, but obviously they have stopped working. I'm doing my nest to get in to my doctors tomorrow. I want a meds change, or an increase. I need something. I know the situations in my life at the moment might be making me a little more depressed-but this is a lot more than that. Since the last time I saw my doctor I have cut both my legs quite a bit. I want to cry like all the time. Sometimes when I'm not feeling like I want to die or cry I simply feel numb. Like my body is shutting down. People can talk to me and I don't even realise. Then there's times when it's at the other extreme and I feel like I'm being torn apart. My heart is breaking and my head can't cope. Life is spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop it. I just want something to make the pain go away. I don't want depression anymore. I want to be normal. I'm scared that if I go doctors he will tell me I'm fine and refuse to change my meds. That's what she usually does and I don't think I could take that the way I am feeling at the moment. Do I sound mad? If I walked into your doctors surgery and said all of this would you help me??