I'm attending online college to be a vet tech but I can't handle it and I'm already failing. Lately I've been given a lot of hours at work to cover for everyone else because no one else can take mornings. This leaves me with only 7 hours a day to study because my parents want me in bed by 10 to get up early for work. In those 7 hours I also need to do my share of house chores, leaving me with even less time to do homework and study. The only ample amount of time I get to do my hw is on weekends when the other employees can take morning shifts. I feel this has contributed to my failing grades and its frustrating that I have zero control over any of it. After my parents saw my grades, they haven't stopped screaming at me and calling me an idiot, or dumbass. My entire family is disappointed and is even threatening to disown me if I keep failing. This alone makes me want to start self-harming again. I'm adopted, but they tell me they wished they never adopted me if it meant I would grow up to a be a geek as a hobby and "not take college seriously". I haven't even touched a video game console since college started. Its unfair that my family says I'm not trying when I'm doing my best with what time I have. The most recent test I took, I studied all the material but got a 60% from missing the questions that were like trick questions that I didn't see in the textbook. I look at what I missed and still didn't understand since it wasn't in the textbook. I had originally planned to get through the semester and pay my parents back for what I failed but when they're screaming about disowning me, it puts a lot more stress on me...I hate being alive just to put up with what I do. I just want it all to end. Therapists and doctors don't help at all. All they told me is that I could go to jail for "arguing with my mom too much", when I'm not even the one who starts the arguments in the first place. No one ever takes my side. I've been to two psychiactric hospitals before for self harming, but don't want to do it again since money is already tight. The only emotional support I have is my boyfriend who moved away, but my parents want to cut me off from all my friends by turning off the internet to "punish my stupidity". I'd rather kill myself and get it over with. I can't do this anymore.