I made my attempt almost a year ago now. I was a cop in the military then, I thought I had my life together until my ex broke up with me and triggered everything. I know it sounds cliche, you go through a break up and cut yourself. The only difference here is I was 8,000 miles away from home, and he was my only support system. The night he left me, I took a razor blade to my wrist and pressed down as hard as I could. I barely remember doing it... I vividly remember seeing my veins and watching the blood pour out. In that moment I not only came close to ending my life, but I also ruined my career. Seven months , 13 stitches and several hours of therapy later I was discharged from the military. Things got better at first after I came back home, I didn't want to die anymore. I thought things were going to change. Now I sit here with fresh cuts on my wrist, even more depressed than I was before. I have no job, I have no drive to get one. I can have all of my tuition paid for college, but I don't want to go. I invest most of my time chasing after a girl who has just as many problems as I do with cutting and much more. I numb myself with pills, weed and alcohol. I'm drowning and I don't think I will make it out this time. I feel selfish wanting to end my pain, knowing that it will cause everyone I love even more pain. I just don't think I'm strong enough anymore. My nightmares are getting worse. My nightmares are memories from my horrid past. Memories of my drug addicted mother leaving me when I was a baby, memories of my cousin molesting me when I was a child, memories of my father hitting my stepmother, memories of deaths and pain, so much pain. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.