Failing, Once Again....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Mar 29, 2016.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Got in an argument with my husband this evening. Oh, the joys of knowing you messed up again.... :( I told him how much I feel as though I'm failing. Am I really okay? Nope.... I wish I was. All seems to be going down hill. I been pushing everyone away. He even told me we need help.... ummm... I told him, "What do you think I been doing?" He's talking about someone who cares not someone who gets paid. I took a shower and been having more thoughts. Just rather be gone so I don't make things worse. I get done with my shower and he's on the phone with his best friend who is a psychiatrist. Have I screwed up so bad? Just rather disappear. I been so angry, so upset, so frustrated, and nothing is helping... Just done. :( Waiting for this benadryl to kick in so I can sleep. Not sure how tomorrow will go but I don't want to face anymore days and feel stuck. All this, my fault...
     
  2. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks - I overheard him talking about me last night on the phone with his best friend. I felt so ashamed. It's 3:30am and he's sleeping on the couch. My thoughts aren't any better. Just want to disappear and no longer be here. I'm so mad at myself. Not sure I can get anymore sleep.
     
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    oh hun *hugs* I'm sorry you feel so bad.
    But hey, perhaps it's a good thing if you both get some help and talk to that psychiatrist friend together?
    You getting help for yourself is amazing, and please keep that up!
    But your husband seems to want to help you, and you should let him. He cares for you and he wants to know how to do that best!

    I know it seems scary, but really, let him help you get better hun. You deserve that
     
  4. Escape_Artist

    Escape_Artist Member

    The problem is that you won't just disappear.

    Your experience of this life may end, but those you leave behind will feel tangible, excruciating pain. If your husband seems concerned about your words and actions when no one else is around, it's most likely because he cares and loves you.

    As hard as is it is to accept, your feeling of shame does you a disservice. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you are a valid, important, meaningful being who deserves more.

    Remember the real enemy resides within. Fight it with all your strength, stay alive because no matter how bad things are right now... It isn't permanent. Everything changes, there will be better times worth living for.
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My husband left for work without saying anything. He spent the entire night sleeping on the couch. I screwed up. Just don't want to face anything anymore.
     
  6. Escape_Artist

    Escape_Artist Member

    Time to call a friend. If that's not possible... Call a helpline.

    Sounds like you need support from the warmth of another voice.
     
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I don't know what I will do. I'm very angry with myself.
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I think you should call a helpline hun, Please do not harm yourself in any way. You deserve to be helped.

    I personally care about you, and I wouldn't want to see you hurting. Please let yourself be helped


    *hugs*
     
  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Been thinking all night and this morning of cancelling all help.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    (big hugs) I'm sorry you are feeling so low hun, that isn't easy at all, keep seeking help and moving forward, best of luck today hun x
     
  11. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    So sorry everyone.
     
  12. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please, hun. You deserve to be helped, it can get better! I promise you!
     
  13. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm sorry you're suffering. Just know that many of us have been there and many still are. If you did anything bad we'd lose someone good.

    Talk to us and let's help each other. I hope you can be safe and use this place.

    *hugs*
     
  14. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

  15. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Trying my best to change things for the better. Isn't going well at the moment
     
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    *hugs* You have us here for you and I can sympathize with your feelings,know we're here and care :)
     
  17. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

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