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Failing optimism

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ortahisar, Sep 27, 2013.

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  1. ortahisar

    ortahisar New Member

    Hello. I'm new here. Gosh I'm not sure where to start. I don't want to give my life story, but I guess it's safe to say when things get tough an initial reaction is to think about ending my life. Things have got especially hard lately. I was in a relationship that... initially was amazing, consuming, wonderful... but became unhealthy. He had all the power, I had none, and as cliche as it is, I couldn't say goodbye because I loved (and still love) him very much. After 18 months, he broke up with me. I really struggled with the break up, but managed to get through the hard part by trying to stay as hopeful and optimistic as possible. He and I decided to stay best friends ("best" friends).

    This morning I found out that one week after we broke up, he started dating a new girl. I know that we had broken up, but I cannot fathom how he could have loved me as much as he said he did, how I could have meant as much as he said I meant, and then dated someone so soon after. And he knew it would break my heart, which is why he lied about it to me for so long even though we were apparently best friends.

    I'm really struggling to come to grips with it all. I've never felt so low and so worthless. I hate that a guy makes me feel this way. I know that I'm a good person, but I gave him so much and it was just never enough. Ironically, he says that he feels that I was too good for him (too nice, too kind, etc), which made him feel worthless while we dated.

    I know a relationship break up seems minor. I know there are far worse things that human beings experience. But I just can't seem to shake the sadness, the hopelessness, the worthlessness, and the loneliness. It had already been bubbling away for a few months, but now it just feels overwhelming.

    I'm sorry for how lame this might sound.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What you posted isn't lame. :hug: Breakups hurt... a LOT. Most of us have been there at one time or another, and we can relate to the pain and the loneliness.

    To put it simply, you deserve better. Nobody should have all the control in a relationship; it isn't fair to the other person. I know that, because you're hurting so much right now, you can't see the positive side of the relationship ending. But you deserve to be with someone who sees you as an equal, not someone to be controlled. And if he was able to move on a week after the breakup, it shows that maybe he just doesn't know how to care about anyone.
  3. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I know that feel, after 3,5 years dating, we broke up, and a week after she got a new boyfriend. At first, I was okay, but the longer time passes, the more painful it become. Don't know why it works like that, I mean, I was okay at first...

    Then after 2 years, I was grieving because of that break up... I can't forget her, all happy times, etc...
    It's not stupid, people have their own weak point. I guess my weak point is about relationship.
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