Failing school.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mat Voleido, Mar 23, 2011.

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  1. Mat Voleido

    Mat Voleido Well-Known Member

    I'm enrolled at the University of Guelph in Ontario for English.

    Unfortunately, this semester I took a couple of courses that were beyond my scope of knowledge, mainly, two PSYC courses that were science and math oriented.

    Of course, you can drop courses up until the 40th class day, which translated to the 10th of March for me, but I missed this date due to my terrible ability to keep track of time/dates (because of my depression, ADHD, whatever the doctors wanted to diagnose me with)

    I read online you could meet an academic advisor to drop the courses. So I reassured myself a little bit and met with one after some time, but unfortunately, I found out I had to actually APPEAL to drop both of the courses, so all I can do is write a letter based on my psychologica/compassionate grounds, and wait until the appeals board can read it, which translates into a few days before final exams start, so I have a 3 weeks fucking goddamn wait.

    I can't control myself. I'm failing each course with missed midterms (!) which means I can look forward to achieving under 49%, even if I achieved 100% in every other single assignment. I honestly don't know what to do. I've racked up almost 7000 dollars in student debt, and my parents have had to finance most of my studies here, and I'll I've done is given them a 62% average in semester one, and most likely a failing average this semester, and failed classes, followed by academic probation or whatever the fuck follows a low average.

    I haven't been actively suicidal for a couple of years now. But now I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like a massive fucking piece of shit who has underachieved his entire life, getting by on subpar marks and constantly letting down my family. Racking up debt and being a lazy piece of freeloading shit. I know attempting or actually committing suicide isn't going to lighten the same I've put my family through, who have actually been relatively stable throughout it all, but I just can't live with this shame. I'm already losing control and if I find out I couldn't get the courses dropped/my request was denied, I honestly think I'm going to kick the fucking can this time.
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Well...Welcome to the club. Academic issues aren't uncommon around here. I fucked around with my academics and lost a horrible amount, with no credits earned. And boy, did it fuck with my self-esteem.

    Anyway, if your clinician is willing to help you, you can get pretty much anything. Late drops, rescheduled midterms, just about anything. (There's a reason for it. At Harvard, a student asked to be excused from taking the final the day it was issued for psychological reasons. The professor refused. The student killed himself. Ever since then, colleges and universities have been real accommodating.)

    So if you want to get leeway in something like a late drop or rescheduling of an exam, clinicians, more often than not, are cooperative. So ask your psychiatrist/therapist if they can help you out. Chances are, the answer will be yes, at least enough to get you through.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope your pdoc help you out writes you a note whatever so you can drop those classes We all have failed at one time okay so don't be so hard on you You can always redo a class later on perhaps decrease your work load so you can concentrate on the harder classes hugs
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Great advice from rocketpop09. You the man, to quote our colonial cousins across the pond.

    I was going to say that 49% would have been 49% more than I got.

    You can earn a good wage without any qualifications, but generally speaking, I'd have likely done a lot better if I had a degree or something. I used to have a degree - of sorts, but stopped seeing her and the third degree ended, if you get the joke.

    You got plenty of time - and as for your folks supporting you - what else are they there for? Would you not support your own child? You racked up a $7000 debt - but its only money, and when your parents are old and frail - you repay them - not in bullshit money - but in the REAL currency of life, love, trust and just being there. Don't feel guilty, feel blessed. Make sure you say thank you - but I bet your folks brush that off. They don't care for themselves so much, you matter more. They found their happiness right?

    You could always get a part time job once you get your doctor to arrange some kind of parachute for you. Get back to your study - forget about anyone else being upset if you fail. Mate of mine was 30 before he got his degree. I'm in my late 40s and completed some courses a couple of years back. chickensh** stuff though. Barely enough to land a job in a call centre.

    A child in pre school with a gold star off teacher in the book has got more than me. I'm unqualified - but self taught in various trades. If you want a carpenter, who doubles up as a demolition worker, give me a call, I'll knock your living wall down trying to fit a shelf.

    But, now I've found joinery videos on YouTube, I surely expect to be building bird tables - fancy ones with a little home on top - perches and bird feed holders.

    Anyhow, I'll keep educating myself regardless qualification or no. My view on education is that its all we might actually have whilst we live and when we die. IF there is still a kind of continuity be it the soul, spirit and so on then I guess what we know is all there is.

    Good luck and make sure you get to that doctor after you work out exactly what you need to finish this course or whatever it is your doing.

    I hope you can get back on track education wise - if you scored so highly with your mind in a million places, you'll pass with ease once you can get the college or whatever to accommodate your needs. As stated, you've got a bat to beat them with if they do not play ball. You got a break - and ought to grab it by the balls!

    Keep on learning.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :sad: That sucks that you are not doing well in school. I know how hard that can be. Have you spoken with your professors? It never hurts to appeal to them. Most professors are more than willing to cut deals. It never hurts to ask. After all, flunking students is not good for business. In the end a college is a business.
  6. spocky

    spocky Member

    I am also a university student (Ontario too) in a similar position. The fall semester was terrible and I barely managed to pass most of my courses, I wanted to drop them but pressure from my parents kept me in school.

    I also decided to try to appeal for credit standing in the courses so that my transcript would show a pass and not the percentage. It was the most awful process ever, if I had a second chance I would not do it again due to the agony and suffering the whole process caused. I am not sure how things work at Guelph, but at my school it takes min 2 weeks to get an appt with an academic advisor and 5 weeks for a councillor or doctor. I had to write an appeal letter, which was seriously uncomfortable because I had to detail my personal feeling/experience my diagnosis etc. things I don’t even feel comfortable talking to my parents about, and I had to write it down. Another annoying detail was that I had to say that it was a temporary condition which would not last forever, which in my case is not true, since the root of my depression in a chronic illness. I also had to pay the academic office to consider my appeal, get documentation from my doctor (another hassle as my doctor is in Toronto) The worst part was the professors, I had to get approval from them for the appeal to be considered. I tried emailing them which was hard in of itself because I have anxiety over communicating with people. One professor in particular was particularly troublesome, he demanded that he see my appeal letter and medical documentation, something I didn’t not want to allow, or felt that he had the right to demand. Eventually due the suffering and anxiety it caused, I decided to ignore the appeal (which was in progress) and not get approval from the profs.

    However a few weeks ago (2 months after I submitted my letter!) I got a letter for the academic office granting my appeal, which was a surprise. I still have bitter feeling about the appeal process and the bureaucracy of institutionalized education with the excess of forms and red tape. I don’t know if explaining my own experience will help you with your appeal. But I really hope that it does, and I can empathize with the feelings of worthlessness and despair and being at university while depressed.

    My parents are also paying for school, and I have a lot of student debt, so I understand how you feel. If you do fail the courses, you can appeal for a pass credit standing, or a removal from transcript. It helps to have a councillor at the universtiy who can provide documentation. If you fail the year and have to leave for a year, you can appeal that too. You can take online or summer courses at a different university, so that you can have enough credits to graduate and keep on track. Try planning for 5 years or 6 instead of the 4. I hope some of this helps.
  7. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    That sounds terrible, Spocky. I had to go through something similar, but nowhere near as bad, with my financial aid application. All of that just made me realize how bad of a situation I was in.
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