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Failing

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#1
I feel like I’m failing at fucking everything


feel like I’m failing as a mother, I’m useless with the home schooling crap, I tried so hard with it and just fucking failed like a trooper.
Violet (2, almost 3) is doing great at toilet training, when she’s wearing NOTHING but pees in anything that she’s wearing, nappy, knickers, training knickers, shorts, trousers. How is she gonna cope when she goes back to Playschool In September. *dunno2


I feel like I’ve failed them 100% I can’t play, I don’t have an interest in playing with them, as awful as that sounds, probably because I do mostly everything else, so that’s left down to my partner.im the boring parent. Which I’m fine with, but I fail them completely. I wish I could run away. They’d be better off without me, and with someone who can care for them better.
I love them with all my heart but I’m just not the mum they deserve. They deserve so much better
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#2
These moments can occur where everything around seems to have all gone to shite. Two or three things together and it can magnify the situation. There's many people in the same boat, struggling with home schooling, dealing with toilet training, keeping the kids entertained etc...

How much of how you been feeling is due to lockdown, I don't know but perhaps it could be affecting you and others in the household. Doesn't need me to say that for some it can be hard to adapt or to maintain things at a same level during these times.

But they have you and you have them, and despite everything, no doubt you draw strength from each other in a way which can be never replaced. So doing a runner, as you well know is not the answer.
 

Lux

Outrageously Awesome
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
youuuuuu are not a failure, you are a dinosaur

but in all seriousness, you're not a failure and I'm not a parent (lol imagine) but I for sure know you won't be the first to feel this way, especially during these times. ash said it better, but just wanted to second it. my PMs are open if you need any more terrible advice, or even just a funny anecdote to make you laugh, I can probably find one :D
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#4
Sounds like she's getting the idea but hasn't quite gotten all the way yet. I think, perhaps, she gets confused because she's allowed to wet when she's wearing the nappy but not when she's wearing the clothes. She might not realise the difference between them. Does that make sense? In which case, maybe ditch the nappies completely? Let her learn its the toilet or nothing. Just a thought.

And you're not failing. It takes time for kids to learn these things. Some kids take longer than others. Some are stubborn and do their absolute best not to do things your way. I know. I'm a parent. Been there, done that. Had a child that absolutely refused to use the toilet and would ONLY use their nappy (which showed they had control and awareness) for ages - until one day, they seemed to realise the point of the toilet and everything was fine after that. The point is - they wouldn't listen to me - they had to learn for themselves. Some kids are like that (so are some adults).

It should be noted that most nurseries/schools expect accidents to happen and not all kids are toilet trained by the time they start.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#5
These moments can occur where everything around seems to have all gone to shite. Two or three things together and it can magnify the situation. There's many people in the same boat, struggling with home schooling, dealing with toilet training, keeping the kids entertained etc...

How much of how you been feeling is due to lockdown, I don't know but perhaps it could be affecting you and others in the household. Doesn't need me to say that for some it can be hard to adapt or to maintain things at a same level during these times.

But they have you and you have them, and despite everything, no doubt you draw strength from each other in a way which can be never replaced. So doing a runner, as you well know is not the answer.
it very well might be due to lockdown. But yeah everything is a little shite right now, I often come to you when I’m feeling like shit because you make me laugh and laughing cures all. Right?
I know doing a runner isn’t the best and would cause them problems in the future just wish I didn’t feel this way :(
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#6
youuuuuu are not a failure, you are a dinosaur

but in all seriousness, you're not a failure and I'm not a parent (lol imagine) but I for sure know you won't be the first to feel this way, especially during these times. ash said it better, but just wanted to second it. my PMs are open if you need any more terrible advice, or even just a funny anecdote to make you laugh, I can probably find one :D
lux you never fail to make me laugh. Thankyou for being an awesome friend :) guess I just felt a bit shit yesterday and felt like nothing I did was good enough.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#7
Sounds like she's getting the idea but hasn't quite gotten all the way yet. I think, perhaps, she gets confused because she's allowed to wet when she's wearing the nappy but not when she's wearing the clothes. She might not realise the difference between them. Does that make sense? In which case, maybe ditch the nappies completely? Let her learn its the toilet or nothing. Just a thought.

And you're not failing. It takes time for kids to learn these things. Some kids take longer than others. Some are stubborn and do their absolute best not to do things your way. I know. I'm a parent. Been there, done that. Had a child that absolutely refused to use the toilet and would ONLY use their nappy (which showed they had control and awareness) for ages - until one day, they seemed to realise the point of the toilet and everything was fine after that. The point is - they wouldn't listen to me - they had to learn for themselves. Some kids are like that (so are some adults).

It should be noted that most nurseries/schools expect accidents to happen and not all kids are toilet trained by the time they start.
Hi wispiwell Thankyou for replying. I really appreciate your reply :)

she does already go to Playschool but she’ll be going up to the second year of Playschool come September. As you’ve stated about not wearing anything, we do this the whole time we’re at home, she doesn’t wear anything. But when she goes back to Playschool I’d like her to be wearing her training knickers which are like knickers but thicker material. But she seems to think they’re nappies and just wee’s in them. It’s so frustrating. But you’re right she’s probably just confused. I ask her every time “what are we b supposed to do in knickers?” And she always replies “don’t wee in them” I think it’s more of a case she forgets than anything else. I just hope by September she’s okay with them. She has a pull up at night as obviously she’s not ready for that yet, I think everything just gets on top of me all at once and I feel like I want to explode
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#9
I think we all had days when things get on top of us - especially when we have kids. Always helps to have a place you can come to talk it out.
Oh god yeah we’re all like that. If we wasn’t I’d be concerned. But me, I’m stupid, I bottle it up until I explode causing more aggravation but I can’t help it
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#10
That's not stupid. It's normal. Why do you think there are so many self-help groups/books/courses etc - because the natural tendency IS to bottle it up and pretend it's not there in the hopes that it'll go away. We have to LEARN to let it go.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#11
That's not stupid. It's normal. Why do you think there are so many self-help groups/books/courses etc - because the natural tendency IS to bottle it up and pretend it's not there in the hopes that it'll go away. We have to LEARN to let it go.
I think that’s a very good bit of advice. I try hard to open up but doesn’t always happen. But atleast I try I guess. Thanks wispi
 

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