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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hache, Dec 3, 2009.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Academically, socially, just not good enough, just not cutting it, cant swim here, only float

    Dont want to die, just want to be good enough, but cant help suicidle thoughts and visions

    Drinking now to take away the lonliness
  2. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    As long as you've got your health, you've got it all. There's always someone for everyone.
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Not here though, fed up of being ignored, unwanted, but its my personality
  4. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Just been described as sulky by the people I live with, that is what they think of my depression
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Many of the people around you may not understand depression, but we do, as do many others. If you are failing, then maybe you'll have to make some changes to your work habits, but it's not the end of the world.
  6. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Its not lack of effort or knowledge, I feel cheated by the assessment techniques, they've tried to be creative with 2 of the modules instead of written assignments and I have completely flumped in both.

    Meanwhile no one really wants to know me, I need attention.
  7. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I failed out of school till I was 21. Then I returned to school at 28 to do well. Many freshmans are nontraditional students (older students). I am sometimes the only A in the class. And there are plenty of older students in community college.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Mike!

    I can understand where you're coming from, I have no social skills at all.
    I'm sure we've spoken about this before but I can't remember if its anxiety you suffer from? Group therapy might help you to get past this :hug:
  9. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I've read books on conversation, etiqette, and women, body language.

    If you lived in a different culture, been out of the dating game for a long time, it is not your fault that you have no social skills.

    Some people have been fortunate enough to be raised in a social circle.

    You can pray and hope that miss soul mate will stumble upon you and/or do some planning and read some books on relationships and meeting. It's not shady. When you get to my age you'll be buying these books in secret. Unless you are casanova( I heard even Casanova had a system), you will need to make things happen, not wait for miss soul mate to find you. Once you understand the physics of the dating game which most have no clue, you will see that you can increase your odds significantly.

    One of the writers wrote his book because he'd been married for so long before his divorce and forgot the physics of dating.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2009
  10. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replys, all good advice.

    I'm not sure how I can over come how I feel, I think this is it now, I will fall back into the deep depression I had 18 months ago.

    The constant thoughts <Mod Edit:shades-methods>just arnt nice.

    For at least 4 or 5 weeks now I have brushed how I felt under the carpet and just felt content, the depression ocassionally came out when something triggered me whilst drunk. Now it is all out again, the lonliness, the ugliness, the lack of belonging. I just went into a shop, saw my reflection in the mirror as I was walking past and wanted to die, that seems stupid but there we go. No one makes me feel worthy or beautiful, now I sound like a woman (without trying to be sexist)
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2009
  11. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    That sounds really intense. But I think you will do fine eventually. This isn't a terminal disease. It's curable.
  12. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    It keeps coming back and I think it will for the rest of my life, the only medication is to fix what is making me feel like this, but forever if there is anything getting me down I'm going to get as low as this, people think I am being moody, but I have never been a moody person, when I am miserable it means I want to die, I'll just have to let them think what they want
  13. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    Maybe, they think you are moody. Because they see potential in you that you don't see.
  14. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Maybe, because whenever I try telling them things that caused my depression (over msn, sometimes when drunk) they pass it off as nothing, like just normal problems everyone has, say its nothing to be bothered about.
  15. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 6, 2009
  16. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Self-worth is tied to suicide. With men it usually has something to do with whether or not they can hold their own financially.
  17. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like you are letting your self defeating thoughts control you.. You need to step back and look at the positive thoughts.. Those are the building blocks to making you better..Hold onto to those positive thoughts.. When a negative thought creeps in kick it to the curb and replace it with one of the positive thoughts you are holding on to..Best wishes!!
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