Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, May 3, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i know that there are people out there who love me and i don't want to hurt them

    but i can't shake this pain - i feel like it's eaten its way into my soul

    the only time i don't feel it is when i'm asleep and i can't sleep that long even with meds

    i really just want to go to sleep and never wake up, but it will hurt too many people

    all the people who care about me, i just don't think i deserve them

    i don't know how to handle it any more

    i just want it to stop

    i'm afraid to leave my chair because so many things are within easy reach, but i know i will have to get up sometime

    i need it to stop
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2010
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I hate the fact that I can no longer sleep as long as I used too. I can feel you there. Maybe you could try working out. You know exhaust your body a bit. That way you can sleep more soundly.

    As for having so many methods around. You just need to hide them. Make them hard to reach. Make things so that it is a cumbersome task to get to these methods. Or flat out get rid of the temptation.
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't hide them - they're regular things that everyone else in the house needs and are using
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Sorry :( I cannot help you there. You just need to make a mad dash for your bed. Curl up and lie in there.
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i thought i had gotten past this

    why does it still hurt to be loved?

    why does it feel wrong?
  6. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    i dont know hon
    but we're still the same inside
    so i know how it hurts
    to have people loving you
    and feeling like theyre wasting their time on you
    and i know it doesnt make sense
    im just sorry i couldnt find a way to fix things
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There have been many times when I felt so the ppl who love me have no taste and can spend their energy in much better ways...but then I let one of them in, and I remember that I could not live without their love...yes, we have a responsibility to those we love, but the rewards are so much greater...big hugs, J
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :cry: dont move from that chair

    Please :blub:
  9. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i agree with Sam; "don't move from that chair"

    I've heard you and liz say this before but i have no frame of reference and no understanding of it...sometimes it's difficult for me to understand things and i need them rephrased. you both have asked me this repeatedly and i still do not understand; "it hurts to be loved"

    you deserve to be loved and cared about. i can only ask that you try to accept that, as it's a difficult point to argue when you are feeling this way. i don't know, maybe it is hard to see or accept when one is not loving or caring about themselves?

    you are often rather harsh on yourself. i see you kick yourself when you really don't deserve it...i can say it again; be gentle on your heart, but i don't think you hear it, or maybe you don't know how. So that is where others can help...let them be gentle on your heart and perhaps you learn from them?

    i belong to the same club; wishing it would stop needing it to stop ready to make it stop. i am as lost as you on this one.

  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I love you very much :) so much i cant even describe.. you have saved my life and you are very much worthy of my love and kali's and liz and maddys and everyones so stop saying your not...please :cry:
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    when i say it hurts to be loved it's because my brain gets all twisted and my thoughts run something like this:

    1. i am not worth loving
    2. people tell me that i am loved
    3. since i am not worth loving, they must be lying to me
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I have never lied to you :cry: i love you
  13. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    do you believe most people are liars?

    do you believe the people who are telling you they love you and care about you are liars by nature?

    wouldn't they simply not engage with you? to what purpose or what end would it be for them to just mouth those words to you?

    i guess i have more faith in people than that.

    why are you not worth loving? i honestly do not understand that.

  14. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :cheekkiss: I'm here if you need me :hug:
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :awww: :console: :hug: :flowers: :hiya:
  16. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    ...exactly it.

    when the clouds are there and blocking everything youd normally think, for me, at least, thats when the voices and thoughts start saying that, yes, everyone is lying. everyone becomes a liar, thats just what people do. and somehow, for some reason, they must be out to get me, to make me hurt. i dont know why, but they really must hate me, and i must have done something at some point to make it all this way for myself.

    when things get like that and the voices just take over, there doesnt have to be a real reason why youre unlovable, thats just how it is. youre convinced you are, and anyone that says otherwise has to be lying. i know it doesnt make much sense, theres really no logic behind it, even i can see that now that im feeling ok atm. but when it hits, its like theres no escaping it.
  17. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    I know how it feels to believe that you are not worthy of love but let me assure you that you are. You are a kind, wonderful, loving person and you deserve to be loved and to be happy. I have never lied to you and I never will. The voices that say you don't deserve to be loved - they lie. I'm here if you want to talk :hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.