I exited early from a poker tournament. Put back 4 shots of tequila, pass out out in the grass on the walk home from the bar. Turns out booze don’t work so with anti-depressants. Or maybe they work better, depends on your point of view. Anyways had a lot of time to think. Next week I have a return to week meeting in regina. I get the feeling they don’t want me back at work. It’s a government job, a big company and I am just a easily replaceable lowly grunt. I haven’t been to work in 6 months. Not since I jumped off the roof top of the 20 story tall power plant that I work at. I am more than a little paranoid that they won’t take me back at work. I don’t like my job, but I need my job. Not financially. I need a job to foefull my need to achieve normalcy. I need a job that requires responsibility and gives me a sense of accomplishment…simply working at a wall-mart would feel like I wasted my education. At 25, I am young enough to go back to college to learn another profession. But I am already on my 2nd profession. The 1st 2 didn’t workout. So I don’t want to try a 3rd. Anyways if they don’t accecpt me back at work next week I am going to kill myself. I will go for Niagara falls. I have always fantasized about the adrelinerush this would yield. Since I can’t remember the adreline rush from jumping off a 20 story building. I don’t want any help. Just want to ask other people if there suicide plans are based on future plans that don’t work out for themselves. Sorry if my post isn’t understandable….I am quite drunk.