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Failure and failure after failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SadDude87, Jul 23, 2008.

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  1. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Is taking it's toll. Doesn't sound like much compared to others, but I am convinced nothing will ever change. The pattern is always the same.

    I'll have some new job/college course. I'll be really excited. I'll read up, etc etc. Then, when I get there the anxiety and low self esteem kicks in. I'll lose all my drive. I'll look at myself as a crazy lunatic who should not be working here/studying that. I can't imagine myself going to college again, sitting in a room with others being expected to contribute, every second thinking about how I am being seen and judged rather than the topic at hand. Inevitably I can never think of anything relevant to add. I can't read papers when my mind is always racing. Unless I am relaxed, words seem to lose all meaning and come to me in a blur.

    Every problem I have intensifies - Body dysmorphic, Jealousy, avoidant, inferiority complex.

    I'll fail out. Feel a huge relief.. and then start another project. I think the mood swings still happen, but since I am not actively working towards anything, only planning to, I don't notice myself failing so it's not a big deal.

    I thought this would get better in time, but it only gets worse.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Dude,
    I know how you feel about anxiety and panic attacks. I keep telling my shrink about my anxiety. I hold it in, It effects me physically. I get sick to my stomach, migrane headaches, feel rotten all over, blood pressure goes up, and other symptoms.
    I suffer augoriphobia so when ever I go somewhere I usually panic. My therapist has me getting out of the house to go to appointments, and to the grocery store.
    I also feel that people are judging me and talking about me. My therapist says they aren't even thinking of me that they are in there own little worlds, so I need to stop fortune telling. I still think they are talking about me because they will be staring right at me and talking and laughing.
    I also have racing thoughts, My problem is my mind gets running and it gets all jumbled up and I can't think straight when I am like that. I usually find me a nice quiet place and stay there until I start thinking straight again. I hope you can see that you aren't the only one who has these problems. I also suffer from socialphobia, irrational thinking, mood swings, paranoia, and some others I can't put my finger on right at the monent. I hope you feel good shortly. TAKE CARE..:chopper:
  3. jipjoe

    jipjoe Member

    I know what you mean by failure. Do you feel that the rest of the world is stacked up against you? Almost like a Truman where we are in some ^%^&*&( cocoon and others are laughing at our failures? At least I feel that way.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You ever try positive affirmations or reinforcements to counter the negative thinking?

    Helps me when I start to get down on myself.
    Helps also to remind yourself that although you might not succeed at something you set out to do, you yourself are never a failure.
  5. nowayout1011

    nowayout1011 Member

    I really Know where you were coming from. " words come to you in a blur ." Do you ever feel like you won't be able to live this way for the rest of your life...I mean don't you ever get tired of struggling to make it through each day? I do
  6. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    You couldn't ask for a more empathetic audience. Self-esteem, or lack thereof, failure mode, socially dysfunctional - we all fit in somewhere. I guess the challenge is what we will decide to do about where we are today.
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