failure at life and no hope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Darken, Jun 15, 2008.

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  1. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I feel so bad about myself. I'm the biggest loser of all time. Seriously.

    What have I done in life? Nothing, just waste time and space. Useless eater. I've never been good at any thing. I don't really hate the world, I just hate myself. Have no job, no friends, never had a relationship, unhealthy and obese. Only reason I don't kill my self now Is because I don't want to hurt my family. they don't need this stress on them, that one of there young relatives killed his self. If wanting to die makes me selfish so be it, I am selfish I have tried not to be my whole life it doesn't make a damn difference in my own life. So how about I be selfish just this one time, no one gives a fuck, they just like to "point the finger". I guess i am though cause I dont do any thing to help other people. I would if i could.

    I've been on this site for a long time just typing the same shit about how much of a loser I am. Nothings gotten better. I am doomed. Doomed, as in you can't escape a horrible fate.

    I get made fun of all the time on the internet. People say things like basement dweller, virgin loser, etcetera. Yep thats me. Doubt they would say that to my face though, I would go berserk on them. Make miserable people feel even worse, must be proud of your self aye?

    There is a lot I want to do though. I want to be really good at some thing. never going to happen though. To think that my life can become any thing special to me.

    I know why the world is so bad for me. It's cause I don't deserve a better world.

    It's not like life is fair or balanced and I had total control over how I would end up. If after life hell is real cyall there.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You're not a loser and you do deserve better
  3. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Well, I dunno. Is there anything you enjoy doing? Because that is pretty much the key to becoming good at something.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    people can be so cruel, but i don't think you'll find that here. i know what it's like to struggle with your self-worth; i also call myself tons of names like loser and fuck-up.

    but i have learned that it is one of the symptoms of depression that makes us do this, not some actual truth about our being. we interpret all events and life circumstances in a way that portrays us in the worse possible light. treat the depression, and that negative self-talk goes away, it really does.

    once your mind latches on to suicide as an option it can be hard to fix things yourself. would you consider seeing a therapist to help you through this difficult time? it would be worth it.
  5. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    Yeah i've tried seeing therapists and counselors. Didn't help me. I hate when they say the same generic, emotionless rhetoric. do this do that be good try harder blah blah blah. I'm on meds but I don't wanna take them. from what I've heard they work only for 1/3 people. have ltos of side affects and have unhealthy chemicals in them. Maybe im paranoid but they have sodium flouride in them and i dont want to take them. My lifes already fucked there is nothign left to do but die or lvie my life out as a pathetic waste.
    Im just a zombie living only so that my death doesn;t bother my mom and family, but do they even have any idea how much mental suffering im in? am i crazy to think there is some thing not right with not letting a person die? If they were me they would want to die too.
  6. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Im like 100% in the same situation as you are..
    I have no job, no ducation, i live with my parents, and im far from healthy.
    And the only reason why i dont kill myself is becouse i dont want to harm my parents.
    Ahh... if you will find a way to escape this situation.. let me know
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You say you are a waste. I think you are wrong. I bet your parents love you more than you think. They have probably senced something is a foot with you, and there having a hard time trying to figure out what the best way is to approach you. Parents are smarter than you think.
    Have you gone to them and said mom and dad I have something important I need to talk to you. Worst case sineriole is you wind up in the hospital. That is not a bad thing.You will find that the nurses and the floor techs are very kind. It would give the doctors a chance find the right med combination that helps. I have been there ten times.
    I have suicidal thoughts all the time and I deal with them one day at a time. I have been fighting this for fourteen years and I understand what the problem is. But I still want it over. I set small goals a day in advance and I try the next day to accomplis them. It doesn't work all the time, but I fall back onto the coping skills I have learned over the years.
    I have spent the last fourteen years in my bedroom because I have augorphobia, and socialphobia. And a list of other problems. I have know friends xcept for the ones I have made here. You know i have grown accustom to not having any one. It doesn't matter. Hell I can't even get my daughter to move back here. I just sit back and watch the years tick away and I still don't have her. I have a grandaughter and I have seen her once in the seven years she has been alive. I use them as a deterint to commiting suicide. That is starting not to work anymore because I am Missing them grow. Well now that I have bent your ear, I want you to know that you will hurt alot of people here at the forum who have grown with you!!Stay Safe and Stay Strong::chopper:
  8. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I've told my mom. She told me to do it, a few times. "go jump off a bridge then" she said. My grandma offered me some poisined cool aid. She is just empathetic person, shes a good person. My older sister, she tried to kill herself too. Over some ridiculous relationship problems, with her dike, cheating, abusive, rapist girl friend. I think I'm pathetic but they are even worse in some aspects.

    I don't wanna die. I just wan't to get better but thats not going to happen, so either way i'm fucked. There is no help available to me that can save me. When I go to the mental health clinic or what ever its called here. All I see is a bunch of people doing a job, they treat people with an attitude that seems apathetic. Their minds are desensitized by being around patients so long.
  9. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    hmmm y not just go and do something? like- just picking on one of the things you said up there- get an excercycle and ride it for 5 hrs a day everyday for say 5 years? just forget everythnig else, for get about having no job, no relationship/ no health (well u will soon if u ride for 5 years lol) and go do that one thing. I mean it'll probably be better than what your doing now everyday or being dead? and after 5 years u'll prolly be not obese anymore

    ugh i just read what i wrote and realised it sounds really mean- sorry im not trying to mock you or anything, i guess im just saying - if you've reached rock bottom and are thinking of kiling yourself becos of all yoru problems, then y not just forget about everything else and try to eliminate the problems one by one rather than eliminate yourself? i mean if you go extreme enuff im sure all of the problems you've listed up there can b e solved? (e.g. obese- ride a bike everyday for 5 years).
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2008
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're a loser. I think you are a very thoughtful, kind person. Have you considered trying to get a job? That alone has done WONDERS in abating my feelings of worthlessness. And since you don't have a job anyway, why not try to find one that you really enjoy doing something that interests you? Money is obviously not the issue right now, so explore the possibilities and find something you love that you are good at. Craigslist is great for that :)
  11. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I droped out of high school. For some very stupid reasons. Well it's a long story but I was behind in some things. Had socialphobia, was a loner. Lots of stress and anxiety.

    I need to try to do better I know. It's hard for me to get out though, to be around lots of people. Cause my avoidant disorder and every thing else. If I didn't have these mental problems I would be doing ten times better right now. What if, that is what I think a lot too much I guess. What if I had a normal childhood.
    Seems like even simple things are a problem for me.
  12. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    start with things that you can handle? there are lots of things that you can do at home without gettin into contact with other people. Empathy and kind words are important but in the end, no matter how bad problems are, words/thinking about them wont make them go away. gotta start doing something..
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2008
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