I thought I was ok, things seem to be getting better, but I can't shake this nagging feeling that I NEED to just kill myself. I keep trying to have hope, be optimistic, focus on positive things, be grateful, live my life, but my stupid fucking head keeps bringing me back to this place of darkness and despair and I feel like a failure in life and I don't see the real point in living anymore. I lost my job three months ago, it is so stressful I don't think I can handle it anymore. I got divorced two years ago, another failure. I am such a fucking loser, what is the point? I hate living alone, life is empty and pointless. I really think I am going to do it, it hurts too much too live. I am such a fucking loser that even though I really want someone in my life to help me and save me for my own destruction, I am too ashamed to ask for help. I would rather kill myself then ask someone for help, how fucking pathetic is that. God, help me I can't take it anymore.