failure at life

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Jul 26, 2008.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I thought I was ok, things seem to be getting better, but I can't shake this nagging feeling that I NEED to just kill myself. I keep trying to have hope, be optimistic, focus on positive things, be grateful, live my life, but my stupid fucking head keeps bringing me back to this place of darkness and despair and I feel like a failure in life and I don't see the real point in living anymore. I lost my job three months ago, it is so stressful I don't think I can handle it anymore. I got divorced two years ago, another failure. I am such a fucking loser, what is the point? I hate living alone, life is empty and pointless. I really think I am going to do it, it hurts too much too live. I am such a fucking loser that even though I really want someone in my life to help me and save me for my own destruction, I am too ashamed to ask for help. I would rather kill myself then ask someone for help, how fucking pathetic is that. God, help me I can't take it anymore.
  2. FireLemon

    FireLemon Member

    <mod edit Beret-unsupportive>
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2008
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    <mod edit: bunny - quotes deleted>

    A dicorce and a lost job does not a loser make. Please know that your family and friends would be bereft if you were gone and that they are there to help you and to be there for you in your darkest times. They love you and only want the best for you and if they need to help you during the hard times, it will only bring you closer and strengthen your relationships. Please tell them about your feelings and have the strength to ask for help.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2008
  4. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    I also feel that I need someone to save me. I just can't take care of myself. I am so ashamed and an epic fail. I try to keep living to follow my dreams. Are there any dreams you want to follow to have at least a faint hope, something to live on for.
  5. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Great support Firelemon ¬¬ idiot.

    Hun, you're not a loser. you've been through a lot and it's weighing you down right now. It's hard but you can make it thru. Don't resort to suicde, i always remember that saying, "suicide is a long-term solution to a short-term problem." There could be such great things in your future that you would miss if you did it.

    Try pursuing a hobby, throw yourself into it, i know tht i find that helps me cope. Maybe writing, reading, painting? Something you like to do.
    And talk to people, posting on here is a great way to get support and feel a bit better for getting if off your chest and my pm box is always open.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm sorry you are feeling so down right now. feeling like a loser is a known symptom of depression, not the truth. it's just a symptom. and it's just one way to interpret your current difficulties. there are other interpretations - that you are strong, capable woman who has suffered some great losses. and these losses were enough to throw you off kilter for a bit.

    please be open to asking for some help. once you are really suicidal it can be hard to climb out of that thinking without some professional help. do you like your doctor? i read somewhere that at least half of all doctor visits are about mental health issues. there is nothing they haven't heard, and nothing to be ashamed about. you are just struggling right now. sometimes our bodies need healing; sometimes it is our brains that need healing too. if you want any tips on talking to your doctor just ask me. i did it in january and although it was hard it was worth it, as he put me in touch with a ton of mental health supports that i didn't even know existed.

    how are you doing today?
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am still here, but still in a lot of pain. I really don't want to die, I want to find a way to make my life better, but I just can't see HOW. Everything just keeps getting worse and I really just think I have had enough. But there is still some fight in me, obviously, since I am still walking and talking, I am just afraid that one day I won't have that fight and I WILL really do it.

    I also have no clue what to say to anyone that might be able to help me because I am afraid if I tell them what I am thinking and feeling they will A) think I am totally insane or B) reject me or C) just tell me things will get better and hang in there. All three responses would send me off the deep end at this point, so it seems better to just keep it inside. And I know that I can't read people's minds, but I am fairly good at reading people and I just know no one will understand because no one has endured what I have gone through (besides the job and divorce, there are obviously other demons plaguing me). I am the strong one, the responsible one, the one that is supposedly so together and it is such a big fucking lie, I am almost can't stand the facade I have created. I feel like I am going to break into a million pieces if I stop living that way though, there is just so much sadness inside of me.

    Dying seems like a merciful end to it all, what else will ease the pain and sadness?
  8. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    I think that feeling ashamed is an all-too-common feeling. I'm often frustrated by the stigma that mental health issues seem to attract.
    I will say that it *will* get better. but for that to happen, you will need support.
    Feelings ebb and flow, and to get past the bad times, don't be afraid to call on support here. there are plenty of people who will be able to identify with your emotions. we're all here to help, in any way we can.

    I'm sorry to hear about your problems, it must seem like one thing after another. I hope you can get back on your feet soon.

    Here to listen any time, take care.
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