failure .... i cant even get death right =/

so on friday , i had a failed suicide attempt , i ended up in the ER early on saturday morning with really bad side affects , they assessed me and kept me in for obessvation and tests then released me to the pysc doctor to assess me and put me in on the ward for a 48 hour crisis addmission , they then sent me to a comminty respite place , for care for 3 days .

i sent the whole time while i was in there crying , cos there was a lady beside me in the ER who got told she had a tumor in her head , and she was like i dont want to die , and here i am trying to take my life , i wish i could take her tumor atleast that way i id die and she could live , it feels so unfair that i have to suffer like this i just dont get it

the after effcts suck but i want to try again , i need to get this right

 

nonononononononononono esther!

Is there anything I can do to help?

 

Esther bunny. No you don't want to "get this right".

What you really want is to get out of the cycle of pain that you've had to endure. So many losses, so much on your plate.

However, I have faith in you. And I am here for you. PM, MSN, chat, whereever.

kia kaha sweetie

 

I am glad you got help hun Please don't do that again okay Please know we all care reach out next time go to hospital if you must to get help but don't harm you. You have had enough pain and suffering please you only deserve compassion now . No more okay stay safe

 

We've all failed at death. That's the thing: we're not supposed to succeed. It's a failure to succeed in suicide.
Keep your head high. Stay safe. Talk to someone. Do what you can. I don't even know you and I have faith in you. <3

 

est :hug: im so sorry you are feeling so bad... please don't try again... please hang on... i care... stay here sweet :hug:

 

*hug please please dont do anything ! you just need some tlc and some rest and we are all here for you honey ! xxx

 

thanks for ur kind words , thing is i dont deserve it , i dont want to bother u or annoy u or make ur day shit , or trigger u etcetc so i keep it to myself , better that way ,... just gets to much sometimes and i deal with that in my ways , i dont hope my time is soon this is truely hell on earth

 

The thing is Esther, you do deserve our kind words and support. You are a lovely, caring, supportive person whom we love dearly. You do not bother us or make our day shit, I am glad when I see you in the chatroom because I enjoy being in your company We are here for you no matter hun. I know you find it hard to open up Esther but always remember we are here for you whenever you need us. :wub: you Esther bunny :hug: