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Failure in life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by killmenow, Sep 22, 2015.

  1. killmenow

    killmenow Member

    I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety, with 7 years of therapy and counting.

    Since 11, I have suffered from depression and anxiety. From the young precocious child, I have transformed into a socially awkward freak that is incompetent in life. Not to mention the occasional bouts of depression, (mainly) anxiety and isolation that has handicapped me.

    I am currently in college and have only about 4 friends. So why not make more friends?

    My social anxiety and awkwardness just explodes right in people's faces, especially when I think I am inferior. My social skills suck as well. They rub off others and people will give me weird facial expressions of discomfort. Times like this reminds me of how much of a failure I am and urges me to commit suicide.

    I know that I should analyse my underlying issues and resolve them. But the pain is unbearable.

    Patience is key huh? But how long more? Depending on my efforts? How? I feel stoned most of the day that I cannot think as quickly. I'm either feeling depressed or being anxious.

    How can I be happy with these depressive and anxious feelings? Any suggestions will be really appreciated.

    Pardon my writing. I am such a loser that I can't even write fluently.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You write better then I do and you have friends something i don't You are in college you are moving forward It may not feel that way to you but you are so see the good that is happening not the bad. People are to wound up with their own self to notice any inperfections in others. Many i bet many without a diagnosis of anxiety are feel alone and anxious at the college . You are not alone in feeling what you are feeling
    Talk to a councilor at your school set up times or places you can go talk to someone when feeling out of place or anxious that in itself will help you to feel more secure where you are
  3. killmenow

    killmenow Member

    Thanks Total eclipse. Think I will continue to learn to cope with it. I have to set clearer and smaller goals too. Gotta stop thinking everyone is judging me.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I apologise for the late reply, today is my day off college :)

    You want suggestions....

    • You can buy a really good book called ''when panic attacks'' it has alot of information about anxiety, flight or fight response, dealing with talking to people one on one, it also has a CD with it that is for meditation, it's brilliant and calms me down, i bought the book about 10 years ago, its still in the shops/online. Maybe look that up.
    • Self esteem and self confidence, therapy can help improve both of those very important aspects, what kind of therapy are you currently in? Has it helped in any way at all?
    • Distractions are brilliant, keeping your mind occupied will reduce your anxiety, for example I suffer from anxiety andgo to college but with all the writing I do the anxiety stay away. Writing/drawing/painting/reading can all help. This is the best advice I can give you and hopeyou get well.
  5. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    I only have like 4 friends :p and honestly I am not to eager to make more but I dont pass up the opportunity when it presents itself and it seems like you dont either, the effort is what makes you less "socially awkward". I love the friends I have and would happily give my life for them. They are like family. It is not necessarily a bad thing that you "only have" 4 friends. what is something you need to figure out is if you shy away from the opportunity to make more.
    As my counselor used to tell me when I said i was a failure or incompetent,

    counselor: "how many things have you done today? like breathe? walk? go to school? listen in class? do your hw? talk to your friend? txt on your phone? look at facebook? eat something?"

    me: "well if you count all of those like 10,000 things i guess"

    counselor: " how many of those did you screw up?"

    me: ".....idk, 1 or 2...got a question wrong in class"

    counselor: "so, of 10,000 things you did today, you got 1 wrong....thats pretty good if you ask me"

    :p the overall point is that in the broad context, you are not a failure at life. you are not pathetic. you have friends, of which, the quality in my opinion is far better than the quantity. you are in college and you are trying to deal with your social awkwardness in healthy ways. ie trying to make more friends and coming on to sites like this. That is hope and courage personified. I think you are doing just fine :)