Failure of epic proportion

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Speakeasy, Apr 16, 2009.

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  1. Speakeasy

    Speakeasy New Member


    I've never posted anything like this but recently I've been feeling extremely depressed, no i don't want to kill myself directly, but being hit by a bus or by a meteor doesn't sound that bad.

    I'm pretty use to being lonely, I am remotely nerdy and use to play a lot of video games [help i think coping with the loneliness] but i was social and I talked to everyone that wanted to talk and if they were nice to me.

    SO! About a few months ago I started to feel like really... well shitty, and now I'm getting to that point where people are annoying me and i try to avoid basically everyone except a few that i pretend to be my close friends. The truth is i really don't trust anyone and everyone that i use to be my close friends now seem distant, I'm not sure if they feel the same way about me though.

    I feel trapped, Like today instead of going to this party get-together thing i slept in the back of my car... I feel safe in my car, LOL!

    All i want is a real real friend you know? or to have an actual feeling like, i like this person and they like me, almost like a love relationship, like i would take a bullet for that person.

    Does know what i mean?
    and what should i do?

    I can't just move, and I'm not sure how to make new friends when everyone knows me already and I've made a name for myself as that one guy.
    a true neutral.

    /ninja edit

    I guess i really didn't go into detail about why I'm depressed.
    but, it really is the basics-

    Girls, as a male of my stature it is a top priority of mine to have a girl friend or i am looked down upon and maybe though of as a homosexual or as the kids call it these days a "fag", or "******".

    Money, unemployment, line of events

    Physical problems, unable to do any sport or physical activity due to scoliosis at it's best.

    Friends, I went over that a little.

    School, grades, teachers, all that jazz

    Parents, their not to fond of me to be honest, well, not since i started to get depressed.

    and so on
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2009
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean. What to do? I'm not sure. I isolated myself further. It worked about as well as one would expect.

    It sounds like you might be in good position for a quick recovery, but you have to act fast. It sounds like you're depressed. This will make you disinterested in all sorts of things you may once have liked - for instance, your friends. You should, in my opinion, look for anti-depressants or therapy or both, depending how you feel about everything. It's hard to do therapy as you are now, but anti-depressants may help you become a bit more outgoing and a bit happier in the short term.
  3. Speakeasy

    Speakeasy New Member

    Anti-depressants is some heavy stuff in my personal opinion.
    I'm hesitant towards that option because its possible negative effects opposed to possible positives.

    Therapy is probably not a good choice because of my inability to even take myself seriously when it comes to my emotions.

    I'm really out of touch with myself, it's hard to explain what I wanted to say in this post.
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I understand what you mean. The usual side effects of anti-depressants are fairly minor. The biggest negative most people perceive is purely psychological, that psychiatric medications are for nuts. But they can help tons in the short-term.

    Edit: Oh, and it's best to nip it in the bud before you begin to want to find a bus to run you over.
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