Failure

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Arkiasis, Jan 7, 2014.

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  1. Arkiasis

    Arkiasis Member

    That word describes everything my life has been. A worthless failure, a leech on society and a waste of resources. I fail at everything I do and I'm unable to do the things any normal person can do. I've never had a job, have no money, never had a girlfriend, never had any good meaningful friends, and my parents would disown me if they found out I was bisexual. And since I have no money I can't possibly afford any treatment since all of it costs a lot of money. People do nothing except say "Get help" like it's something that's so damn easy. Well if it's so damn easy, then I must be a failure since I have no idea how to. Oh "get a job", except my depression and social anxiety prevents me from getting any kind of job. If I'm not even given the chance to be a productive member of society, what's the point of living when I'm obviously just a waste of space? No job wants me, no doctor or therapist wants me due to my unemployment, I have no friends and thus no support network, what other choice do I have? Continue being a leech on society? I have no purpose in society. If you can't get a job, you're a failure and are of no use. Society weeds out the weak and leaves them to die, it's survival of the fittest and I'm at the bottom of the ladder.
     
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hi, it appears we're in similar position.
    except here, a lot of health care is free. not that it helps anyway.
    i assume you're living with the parents? how do they support other that financially?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You live in ontario Canada well yes there is a lot of free health care hun. Look up in your community ask your doctor to refer you to some help ok Free group therapies and counselling for you talk to your doc
     
  4. Arkiasis

    Arkiasis Member

    As I said in my first post, it's not that easy, if it's so easy for you then that just means you're more intelligent and better suited for society than me which further confirms how much of a waste of space I am. How am I supposed to just go and talk to counsellors or therapists or group therapy or a doctor? If it's so damn easy, I must be the biggest dumbass in the world. Maybe this is all easy for you intelligent people, but for an idiot like me, not so much.

    Therapy and medication is not covered by government health care. If you want any sort of meaningful therapy you'll have to pay out pocket. Canada's healthcare system is good for emergency care, but preventive care, not so much. Also I don't have a GP or family doctor, so I have no idea what you mean by "ask your doctor" because I don't have one. And I have tried once to get help, but all that happened is that I was referred to a psychiatrist who arrived 40 minutes late and then I took one of those question survey things and then I was prescribed Effexor which fucked me up, and told to effectively "fuck off", no follow up visits, nothing, nothing ever happened since then. Meds can't help you function properly in society because I don't even know how to. So it's obvious even the healthcare system thinks I'm worthless, and I can't blame them, I'm just too socially inept to live anywhere near a successful life in western society. I'm a lost cause and a waste of space. I'm branded as a "loser" and "failure" by society and need to be disposed of.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 8, 2014
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    search for a doctor then. any clinic, you can walk into and ask for advice
     
  6. Arkiasis

    Arkiasis Member

    Have you even read my post? "And I have tried once to get help, but all that happened is that I was referred to a psychiatrist who arrived 40 minutes late and then I took one of those question survey things and then I was prescribed Effexor which fucked me up." I already feel unwelcome. I will explain in greater detail. I went to walk-in clinic, the physician there then referred me to another place which did nothing but ask questions, then another place which repeated the same questions, and finally the psychiatrist who arrived late and asked the SAME damn questions and then prescribed me the worthless drug which didn't change anything. After that nothing happened, no therapy, no counselling, no return visits, no check ups, NOTHING. The system threw me out and didn't help one bit. If you want "help" you need to pay exorbitant amounts of money for a therapist who probably only cares about your money.
     
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i did read your post.

    also i suggest alternative self therapies, wow, this sentence, self helf books, these motivate and give hope for you seem miserable and stuck
     
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Many people try more than once to seek help. If you have only tried once then you haven't really pushed the boat out to try hard enough.

    Having said that - I don't know what to truly advise you on - but there are ways to seek advice and help, look around your local community health sites. See if there's anyone on this site from canada who could offer more localised knowledge of support services available?
     
  9. Arkiasis

    Arkiasis Member

    I can't "try again" because of several reasons. I don't have a car, so I have rely on my parents for transportation. (How can I have a car when I'm so fucking useless I can't get even a menial job?) And considering that I don't trust anyone, especially my parents with anything, I'm stuck. If I do manage to someone get to one, they'll just keep asking questions and bothering me despite the fact that I have never had a friend or went out in my life. Also, it sounds like I'm 15, but I'm 18, yeah, I'm a pathetic loser who can't contribute to society.
     
  10. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    maybe the word "failure" describes your life b/c thats what you are wanting for your life? i hate to say that because i hate when others say similar things to me, but honestly i am not even sure if you are even grateful to the people that have responded for even trying to help you. you seem to be so full of venom (which i'm not sure if its anger or depression or a combo of both) that you can't see when people are trying to be nice to you, much less take the time to even listen to any advice.

    i have no car either. i have depression. i have borderline personality. i have a husband that severely limits my options and does not want me to see a counselor or psychiatrist anymore. but ... i have managed to talk him into allowing me to get stuff like essential oils... which can be beneficial for depression, anger, pain, getting rid of bugs in the house and much more. point is, even though i am limited, i am still actively looking for things to help me. you, on the other hand, sound to me as if you have decided there is no help for you ... so you want to complain loudly and tell everyone about it and not really do anything about it, and if anyone offers you any advice, well that makes them worthy of getting your rage flung at them.... i know getting help is not easy, but that doesn't mean that everyone around you deserves your anger either
     
  11. Arkiasis

    Arkiasis Member

    I know I'm an asshole. That's why I need to kill myself. I'll never be a decent human. Other people are much more deserving of life than me. I deserve the death penalty.
     
  12. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    no, you are just so hard on yourself that you leave no room for others to be kind to you..... all i'm saying is that you need to open yourself up to new possibilities. you are here talking... shows me that you recognize what you are doing is not working currently. now, if thats a true statement, then change is needed. people are offering you ideas on changes to make, but you are flinging them back without really totally taking them in or thanking them and then explaining what it is you would need for their suggestion to be beneficial, thereby allowing them the opportunity to modify their suggestion a bit to perhaps better fit your set of circumstances. i do not think you are an asshole by nature. i think that you are hurting and have given in to the self-defeating thought process for so long that it has now become a self-prophecy and you see it as "the one thing you did right", therefore, are unwilling to let go of it or maybe just scared to let go of it. i'm suggesting that you listen to the part of you that guided you here, and try a few of the suggestions, or at least be open to them and tell them the things they need to modify for it to work for you instead of just the reasons that nothing could possibly ever work for you. allow yourself opportunity.... death isn't an opportunity, its just the eventuality of us all.
     
  13. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

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