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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by weepinghearts, May 9, 2015.

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  1. weepinghearts

    weepinghearts New Member

    All my life, I have been treated differently, and I don't recall as to why. I'm just a ordinary teenager with ambitions and dreams. It has always been a dream of mine to join cheerleading, but I could never really try it out due to the money difficulties in my family. I decided last week that since my school was doing cheerleading tryouts, I'd just join just because. I won't let money stop me. So all week we would practice a dance routine and cheers and chants. Today was the official tryout, and there were 6 judges who were watching you and your group of 3. I was so nervous and I messed up a little. Later today, I received a call that I didn't make it. All of my friends had made it, all of my group made it. Almost everybody made the varsity squad, but I didn't. Even the girl in my group who I thought wasn't the greatest. I cried, I cried more than I have ever cried in my life. I was so upset, it hurts me to even type this. Nothing ever in my life has been happy and full of joy, I've dealt with more than you can imagine. I don't understand why things like this happen to me, I'm a failure. I'm not talented like everybody else. I'm terrible at absolutely everything. Today made me realize that dreams don't come true, that's only disillusionment. I'm not pretty or skinny, I'm just complete trash. I will never be able to achieve anything in life. I've tried so hard to never cut throughout my whole life, and today it started. Failure is all I am, and all I'll be.
  2. davidIce

    davidIce Member

    I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. I have wasted most of my life and have felt the bitterness of failure for years and years. I am 52 years old and only ever made 2 friends in my life- they are both now dead. I am not the best person to be able to relate to you but I do know that you are not complete trash. I know this sound silly but really you have a lot going for you - but perhaps need the right of kind of support to mend your broken heart and find a new pathway in life where you can thrive. There are some people around who really care but you might have to look closely to find them.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Being pretty or skinny does not define who you are. It is the person inside that does. I'm really sorry you did not make the try out, i know it is easier said than done but try and move on from this and find something you love and work hard on that instead. What do you want to study when you finish high school?

    We do not have cheer leaders here in ireland at all so i don't know how that works but I do know it's only a bump in the road and you will get past and through this.

    Big hugs to you :hugs: :hugs:

    You are not a failure.
  4. iBananya

    iBananya Member

    First of all, you are NOT a failure! :hug: From the sound of it, you're still in school (going off of cheerleading) and as a result, I promise you... Life is only *just* beginning :) Everyone struggles with different things and I cannot presume to understand exactly how you feel, what your life has been like, or how you have struggled because we are all just so different... But please don't let yourself give up so early. You know, it's always said but true... Life changes so much after school. Nothing that is set in school is permanent or even matters later. I remember the "kings and queens" of my school years, and they are literally mostly doing nothing. I don't like to break other people down so I won't, but let's just say... For some people, the very best years of their lives are the few short school years. And that is terribly tragic because those years have so little impact down the road. They had the best time of their lives that lasted all of about 4 years, hoped it would ride them out through the rest of life... But then the real world came, and the real world doesn't care if you were the head cheerleader, or the guy that every girl in school fawned over. Life is an entirely different animal, and those who struggle and have to claw for every inch they get in their early years end up far better suited to take life by the horns later!

    Life is so big, and it's completely open. I know it's so hard to feel unaccepted, to not fit the definition of cool, perfect, beautiful, whatever... but life is really just beginning and I urge you not to let go of it or hope for the future so soon :) You can't imagine how much things can change over just a few short years, massive pain and feelings of nothingness can turn into feelings of absolute joy once you're free from the shackles of judgement and insecurity that school so often imposes on people. You're not a failure, quite the opposite, you're at the gates of the massive world that is life. Paths are open all over for you, try your hardest not to let the early years of life make you let go of what's possible for the amazing years to come :) :hug:

    If you ever feel like giving up or that nothing can work out for you, that you're a failure or anything like that, remember we're here and you can reach any of us! I can't imagine all that you struggle with, as I said, we are all so different. I was a chubby, geeky kid with no friends at all, from a family with no money. I was always so sad, and felt like the future was just going to be more of the same. That completely changed once school was over and LIFE began. Life does get better, it can be absolutely amazing! Challenges are laid out to be overcome, even the tallest wall can be scaled. Weights are heavy, but lifting them builds muscle! :) :pinkheart:
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