Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~PinkElephants~, Feb 5, 2007.

  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I feel so lost at the moment. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can barely focus. I don't want to be here but I know in my heart I'm worth the fight. I feel so down and so god damn out that I don't know what to do. I feel like if I stayed on longer that night and talked to him more it would have changed the outcome. I feel like I'm a failure and that I failed him as a friend. I know it's not my fault for what he did, I know that he was in sooo much pain that he couldn't escape it but I still feel like a fuckin' failure. I let a close friend down and now he's getting help i get that, but it's not okay in my heart, or in my head. I haven't slept since I found out..everytime i closed my eyes I saw his face, his sadness, his pain. It was hurt and I ache b/c i feel like i should have done something more. Our lsat conversation..i should have seen it..i should have known. I need to lay in my own pool of guilt now knowing that I fucked up...knowing that if I stopped bitching about my life and my issues maybe i could have helped more. I'm stupid, I'm selfish and wahtever I get I deserve...I deserve every negative thing subjected to me..and i dont care! I want to scream, I want to punch the wall, i want to release everything i feel inside and scream to the world..but i wouldn't be heard.......
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    WLB, please do not beat yourself up over what happened. You were not the only one he reached out to. He knew what he wanted. There was nothing you could have done to prevent things, trust me. The reality is harsh, but true.I won't continue this here, but if you would like to talk on MSN sometime, I will be glad to go over things with you. Maybe I can help how you view this. Please take care. :hug:
  3. blub

    blub Guest

    Kell thats not true!! He really wanted it, so he hided it good. Please dont be so hard on ourself. And maybe you should scream punch something. Just let it all out and get tired, so hopefully you will get some sleep. Just please dont think about yourself like that, is not true, so please dont be so hard for yourself. Think about his sweet smile instead of sadness. Take care hun and here if you need me :hug:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    there is a pact in place and i must follow that was his way of saying it's okay...god...i can't fight.....why bother when the people you love get hurt and all you want to do is erase their pain