failure

I tried to kill myself during the last week. i failed, im a failure in doing anything these days.
I am down in ways i have never been before. I want to try suicide again but the very thought of the effort involved is too much at this time.
I lie here in my bed until night falls and i venture out in the darkness to but some tabs and some drink and i drink and drink until i no longer feel and because i no longer feel i them have to self harm to make sure im still alive and when i realize i am then all the sadness, desperateness come flooding back.
I have no idea what i am doing, why or what i am supposed to do.
I need help.

 

Hmm. What are you doing in your life? Have you tried to get a job?
It's very good that you're alive, by the way.

 

I have worked.. but my work is always on short term contracts. I work when i get some. I cannot work now because im to down and cant face people.

 

What kind of social supports do you have? Do you have anyone close to you who you can talk to about this?

And, also, what prompted your suicide attempt? What set you off?

 

I don't have anyone. No family that care or friends left. I lost everyone.
The only one i have is my ex boyfriend who lets me stay in his flat as im out of work currently. However he is abusive.

I attempted because of the loneliness, self hate, bitterness and senses of loss and failure i feel. It's all too much.