Failure

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kushioncut, Sep 28, 2012.

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  1. kushioncut

    kushioncut Active Member

    Bing retunred to work on Monday gain. Was supposed to go back last Monday, but employer felt I wasnt ready and kept me off for the week. Going back Monday, nothings changed. I still get 2-3 hours a sleep a night due to severe leg pain that even vicodin wont take away. Have very stressful job with clients screaming in my face all day. Thats hard to deal with on a couple hours of sleep. So my old pattern was to take OTC caffiene pills in morning to wake up, and the takke 20-25 tylenol pm at night to try to9 get rid of oleg pain and sleep. Well, that got mje in trouble and I was involuntarlity hospitalized for what they said was a suicide attept.


    Called my drs office and my psychiatrists office today, asking if caffeine pills will interfere with my medicine and that I was concenred that I would not be alert enough to drive and do my job. Plus I took two caffiene pills this morning, then an anxiety pill a few hours later. It was like I hadnt taken the anxieety med at all and I was shaking all day. My psych dr neveer bothered to return my call. My family dr emailed me and said to drink coffee. Well, I hate coffee and cant get it down. I emailed bakc that I alldont like coffee, and did I have her permission to take caffeeine pills and would they interfere with work. She never answered me. So do I take caffeiene pills and shake all day at work on Monday to stay awake? And then not take anxiety meds? ANd be anxious and stressed all day? Ortkae anxiety meds and be barely awake all day? and risk having an accident with a client in the car? Maybe dr's want me to fail, they know my history of taking pills to sleep to get rid of pain so I can work.




    Have my intake mtg tomorrow to see if I will be accepted in a dbt group that I dont want to even be in. Boss wasnt impressed when I told her I had appt on my first day back. Cant imagine boss will be impressed when I tell her i have to leave for dr appt on wed, counseling app on thursday, and appt with psychiatrist on Friday. So thinking I better cancel them.


    I wish my legs would let me sleep. I may be taking pillls all weekend long to try to escape from thinking about Monday. juts feeling very alone and like no one cares.
     
  2. deucesxwild

    deucesxwild New Member

    Hey there kushioncut! My name is Cat and I understand you are having a rough time. To be quite honest, none of those solutions sound any good, because they all have a heaping of side effects that impact you negatively. But I do think that you need to try a different doctor or two, mostly because they are not being very productive with you. As for the no one caring part, I don't think that's true at all. What about your family? Friends? I think you are just in a down patch and are going through a rough spell, just trying to find a middle ground where it can all make sense and work out evenly. Even if you contest that no one cares, you are incorrect. I care. You sound like a wonderful person who has been hit with quite a few rough patches, and are just trying to make it buy. I understand you are having issues sleeping and staying awake, but instead of taking caffeine pills, why don't you try other alternatives? For example: to sleep, there is this lavender spray that when you put it on your pillow, it naturally helps you sleep, due to the aroma. There's also things like drawing a warm bath to relax yourself before getting into bed. I know you are having problems with your legs, and believe me I understand. 10 years ago I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, and shortly after that, I had 5 concussions from sports. From the concussions, I had nerve problems ever since. Now I get electrical shocks that happen randomly throughout my body, called neuropathy. So I understand your pain, just on a different level. I think you just need to take a step back, relax, and realize that you are loved and are cared for, and need to start looking at the positive side of life. I know it can be hard, but I promise you it is well worth it. :biggrin:






     
  3. kushioncut

    kushioncut Active Member

    Hi Cat,
    Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind reply. I will try to find some of that lavener spray today, .I need to prove to my employer that I am awake and alert on Monday morning, I am going to feel so embarrased that they hired a temp worker to do the friving for me. My dr said I needed to go back to work to get back in routine, have structure and for my self esteem. To know that my employer has to pay a temp so I can work has certainly sent my self esteem lower.
    Aain, thank you so much for your reply, it made my morning a little brighter.
     
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