Do you ever evny people with faith? I do all the time, whether it be a religious faith, faith in an idea or faith in themselves, i really do envy faith. I would never call myself an atheist, because I think that most people who brag about being atheist's never really give much of an alternative to the situation, also they're too focused on hating religion mostly. However I am an atheist, I just could never believe in religion, I've tried it and I've read the bible and I do think there is some good and sense in it but I just cannot believe in the idea of god or balance to the world. I've seen first hand of a lot of bad stuff, I used to work and study in medicine, I had placements at childrens hospitals working with terminally ill children, loads of needless pain and suffering. I gripe about my quality of life but it's a thousands time better than their horrors, but does it make me grateful? Not really. But it did server to reinforce the notion that there is not safety net for me, there's no power of prayer, no one is going to sort things out, there isn't any just in the world. I just wish i had faith, faith in something, I have nihilist tendancies, I try to say to myself 'shape your life, be who you want to be' but this usually crumbles into a hopeless feeling as 'does existance have any meaning at all?' I have problems with this, even though i've sworn myself into going back to therapy, I still have large lingering doubts about it all, I will push and go down that route, but my initial feelings of doubt are still very valid, I am still in a really bad shape and I know those things will never change.