Faking Drama

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dink, Sep 19, 2007.

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  1. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    *FIRST, THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE FROM SF. IT IS IN DIRECT REFERENCE TO ANOTHER PERSON AT A DIFFERENT SITE.

    Why do people feel the need to create drama and search so desperately for attention, by making horrible things up about themselves on depression forums? I understand that sometimes when a person is miserable and feels that no one cares about them it can be a way to test limits, to make sure that someone out there really does care. I think that there are also people out there that just seem to have nothing better to do. This post is not meant to offend anyone or to imply in any way that the posts here are not truly genuine. I believe that there are a lot of people out there that rely on places like this for the support that they can't find else where. I commend the ones who make places like this available to us. Thank you.

    I have a friend, from another site that is constantly coming up with new and horrific things that are or have happened to them. I have grown very close to this person over the last year, and it is so hard for me to limit contact to try and diffuse these situations. I just have enough bad things going on in my life right now that I am not up to dealing with the bullshit. I receive text and voice mails of the crisis as they occur quite often. They have these events happen to them only to make dramatic miracle recoveries. The thing is that I know that they are lying to others on the site and this disturbs me greatly. I am not sure how to handle this. Do I openly confront them on the site? I don't want to risk that chance of sending them over the edge, knowing that this can be a delicate matter. Do I send the Admin. a private text telling them of my information? What is the "right" way to handle this? I just know from experience how someone going through things can have a domino effect on a community. I don't want to see others spiral because of one person's need for attention.

    If you have any suggestions I would really appriciate them.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2007
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    ignore liers and attention seekers.
    There are a few on here, and i just refuse to give them any attention!
     
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i would not say that because i have known of several people who others thought were only wanting attention and they soon learnered of their deaths..

    my suggestion would be do what you feel is right within your heart.. writting them by pm should not be a problem if they are your friend

    perhaps writting this person a pm and telling them you know that they are lying or putting on a show or whatever and try to get them to reason and if not then maybe tell admin whats going on, or not etc...

    use your best judgement..
     
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    funny you say that white dove, i consider you one. im sorry but it is true and i think unfair. to worry people for no reason.

    so dont have a go at me thanks.
     
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    yep i guess thats what you would see.

    my minister thought that way too, but he was wrong

    so whats you gonna do when you learn of my death oh brave one????

    others here may blame you cause im doing it because of you...

    funny thing is i even pmed a friend here and told them that you would say something negative back to me..

    you trust and believe in what others have pmed you about me.

    you are holding my past to me..

    that is not support that is hurtful remarks that you put upon me all the time because you believed others because you could not let my past go....
     
  6. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    what the hell, talk about me to who ever you like. I try to avoid you at all costs to avoid this petty argument.
    But Ive read your threads "im gonna do it now" over and over again and i get sick of it.
    We all feel this way, but we dont need to make threads about it then not follow through.

    I'm leaving this thread now and sook about me to who ever you like! i dont give a fuck.
     
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    and another thing

    you dont know my pain, but i fgfeel for everyone else here..

    and not all of my posts have been this way..

    you know thats a trigger to me but still you say it deliberatly to hurt me and im tired of it..

    in tired of being called a god damn dramma queen.. im tired of being called wanting attention.. im tired of all this buillshity...

    if you cant say something nice to someone in pain then shut the hell up.

    you could have easily blocked the fact you didnt block my posts was so you could find something to attack me with...


    this is a support forum......
     
  8. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    White Dove, if you killed yourself because of what someone here had said that would still be your decision and not the fault of that person. You have to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. So please don't try to emotionally blackmail people here, as it really isn't helpful. Now can we get back on topic please?

    Dink, it's a really tough one. If it's just petty stuff then maybe gently asking the person why they're doing it as it let's them know that you know its bull. But if it's major stuff, then perhaps letting admin know, though then you run the risk of losing the friendship or the person being banned from the site etc. Dunno... :dunno:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2007
  9. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Interesting point The_Evil. We are indeed repsonsible for all of our own actions. Scary thing that...

    I think the original argument is tricky as well. There are different types of attention seekers brought on by different environments for one. Say you as a child had to shout to get attention or make a drama, then that will most probably follow you to adulthood. I suppose there is also desperation, when you feel so low your freaking out becuase every emotion is there but you feel nothing at the same time. Indescribable. It can make you so scared you need the attention.
    Lonliness, people who feel they are always going to get left behind. I gues there are immumerable types.
    I strongly believe no one should be ignored completely for any reason (unless they are being purposfully nasty). But it can be a major drain to help someone out who you think is really on the edge only to find out they just needed someone to talk to and were not thinking of taking action.

    It's nice to be helped by others but at the last we have to help ourselves. The best thing IMO is to give a plan to someone who is in such a low mood. Give them direction, not just comforts but an idea, focus, a horizon. I reckon this will make them feel less dependant on getting any attention as they dig themselves out of the hole they are in. There is a saying I heard once.
    "When two people lean on each other they become stronger, but if one leans to much there will always be a chance of falling".
     
  10. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    I agree that there are some people who don't help on the site, I remember a post that I posted a few mponths a go and they said that I should have sex with them and get aids. But most people here are geniune although you can get the few sickos who enjoy others pain.

    The easiest thing to do is just ignore the post if you don't think its geniune, it's better than arguing in my opinion.
     
  11. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    The thing is that this person isn't on this site. She and I met there. I ended up talking to her IRL because at the time she was saying that she was in the act of killing herself then. (She was saying this in forums we didn't have chat at the time) So there were many people that were getting involved trying to help her. I finally got her to give me her phone number and I called her. Since then we have become close. I even went to visit her for her graduation. It was the first time that we actually met face to face. I stayed there for a week.

    In the year that I have known her there is always some crisis going on. She has been pregnant about 12-15 times, raped 6-7, beaten up 4-5, kicked out of her house at least 5 times, arrested twice, and many other things. She even tried to claim that she was a multiple personality at one point. It just gets old. This is why I haven't been talking to her. The other thing that factors into this is that when I was younger, there were times that I made things up. I did it because it felt good to finally have someone care about me. And when I think back, I am sure that it cost me friendships.

    Not all of her drama has taken place on this site. A lot of it is for my benefit. And it is one thing to lie to me and get me worked up. But when she is actively upsetting others for no good reason, I worry about them. I don't feel like I can outright confront her in PM's or on the phone, or in any way without risking the chance that she may retaliate and actually hurt herself. That is one of the things that makes me answer posts that I suspect are just people trying to get attention. With her I know for a fact, with them I don't.

    They say that "the squeeky wheel gets the oil". And that is right, but at the same time it draws people away from being able to help those who really do need to talk. The other thing about it is that no one really knows then if something serious is happening because they are so fed up with the lies that they just assume that is all the person does. Crying Wolf one to many times can end up killing you.
     
  12. mango_goose

    mango_goose Active Member

    Hey i have a friend like this in real life as well...
    She is always sick, Or getting raped, or someone tried to kill her, or someone stole her money....
    the thing to do is to stop caring... dont stop being her friend... and definatly care if you know that something is really wrong...
    But when you KNOW she is lying dont give her the attention she wants...
    ...when my friend come over and starts her oh i feel sick blah blah blah crap... i just ignore her... i dont say anything.... she usually will start making her self puke, usually in a very public area, and i just keep waling and ignore it... To an outsider it looks really really mean...and you will feel mean for a long time... but eventually she will learn..
    My friend no loger comes to me telling me shes been raped... she gave her foster mum a story the other day that someone had stolen money off her... we didnt hear that story... she will still lie to other ppl... but not to you.
     
  13. Sasuke

    Sasuke Active Member

    why the hell would people want to fake drama is beyond me. If your life has happiness then enjoy it.
     
  14. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    it is not surprising that more and more people develop personality disorder i.e excessive attention seeking, considering our current social climate. We are inundated with the proof that everyone can become a celebrity overnight and it seems, many of us already deduct from that, that fame is a given birth right.

    Fact is, that attention seeking is a form of emotional bullying. In attention seeking emotional immaturity and insecurity express themselves in deception and manipulation. Those people have no other way of obtaining attention other than in this fashion.

    There are many methods of attention seeking, one particularly stand-out symptom is that they exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves.

    In your case, your on-line acquaintance is very likely a manipulator. That is someone who claims s/he is being persecuted, victimised, excluded and by doing so manipulates others with guilt.

    S/he may well be a drama queen, whereby everything is elevated to a crises and every insignificant incident in exploited and exaggerated.

    My bet is, that s/he is an 'on-line victim'. This is someone who claims s/he has been raped, abused and harassed and the anonymity and facelessness of on-line chat rooms/forums suit this kind of attention seeker.

    Make no mistake,this behavior is a form of bullying and feigning victim hood is but an aspect of bullying.

    So, If I encounter someone who is emotionally immature, is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are, manipulative of people's perceptions (guilt), for whom everything is a drama, exploits others' suffering and grief as a tool for gaining attention, feigns victimhood when held accountable, constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight..chances are that the person is an attention seeker.



    .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2007
  15. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    i was not trying to emotionally blackmail anyonme.. NEVER HAVE NOR NEVER WILL BLACLKMAIL ANYONE..

    God what else am i going to get called???

    did you not read the things above?? i simply gave my opinion to help dink then blackness came on and said that he/she considered me one, well that is their opinion of it or rather of me but it hurt me and caused a trigger to me so naturally i blasted back..

    dont accuse me of emotionally blackmailing anyone cause i dont. and dont wish to be considered that way.. My God am i only seen as this hateful person??

    im trying to help others here and help me pain.. if that is so wrong then what the hell am i still doing here??? i thought this was a pro-life site????

    im trying to help others and its not considered emotional blackmail..

    what the hell am i going to be called next week or even tomorrow.??
     
  16. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    and she simply gave hers WD. Tis why it's called giving an opinion. You should take the things people say and think about them, analyze what they are saying and start wondering if maybe you should fix somethign about yourself. Not everyone can be wrong if they are saying the same thing to you.
     
  17. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i agree..

    With me, i dont fake anything..

    everything i have posted has happened and a lot happened that i have not even posted about but i dont post everything..

    some people do go through hard times, with me it seems i always go through things. something happenes to me all the time. its like God hates me with all thats happened to me but i got to just keep going on.

    heck even had a guy from church tell me once that no one has things happening to them all the time, well i told him hes wrong because it has happened to me and im living proof of that.. if its not my car tearing up then my house will leak, water line will break, then my car tears up again, etc.. it does happen to people but not everyone will believe it and unless you have walked in their shoes then you never will know..
     
  18. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    White Dove
    Please stop turning this thread into something about. The original poster is venting about how SHE is feeling. If you have issues with a member here or need to vent about being called an emotional blackmailer please create another thread as this argument is not helping the original poster.

    Dink-
    I'm sorry that people are acting like this. I hate when people create drama just to be the center of attention. It's not only irritating but it's not helpful because you are helping someone that doesn't really need it.
    Be safe.
     
  19. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    true..

    but i dont want attention.. i dont want to hurt anyone emotionaly, or any other way..

    its the only way i know how to handel things in my life is to talk to others and to write down my feelings and if that is so wrong then i dont know what else to do.

    its like because if i dont handel things the way you would handel them or anyone else handel them then its wrong. if i dont do or say hat you or others would say then its wrong just because i didnt say or do wjhat you or others would do.. how would you handel watching your mom die, holding her head up so she would not choke on her own puke? how would you handel quiting school to take care of a dad and a younger brother because your older brother was just too drunk and lived in another state to even care? How would you handel taking an OD back a few years ago and get saved by the police only to find out that the meds from that OD that entered your liver caused it to diesease that went into a tumor that developed into cancer that has spread with no hope?

    Look i handeled those the best i could do and the only way i knew how to handel it.. just because i dont do things you would do, just because i dont say things right like you would say or do then i am just a dummy, not good enough, just wanting attention, emotionally blackmailing, others, and stealing from others? and God knows what else i will be called..

    This is suppose to be a site to help others who are in pain and thats what im trying to do and in doing so i am hoping that my pain will ease.. that hurt what she said..

    it was directed to deliberatly hurt me.. and thats what i take from it, thats my opinion of it. she did it to hurt me deliberatly and in public at that... that was not support at all.. that was a trigger, has always been a trigger to me ...
     
  20. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Those that lie about things and seek attention do so for a purpose. they need help as well. It is sad that some people feel the need to gain attention through lies. If you know for certain that what they are saying is untrue, then you could confront them in a positive manner through a private message. there is no need to drag it out into a public forum. Sometimes people feel even negative attention is better than no attention at all. You could notify a site administrator so they are aware of the situtaion. It is taxing to deal with the issues of someone else sometimes and many do that willingly, but when it is an untruth it is not fair to those helping nor those who truly need the help.
     
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