Faking it... *triggering*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Epiphany, Oct 27, 2009.

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  1. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

    I don't understand why you're doing it, but it's despicable and should be stopped immediately. It's not fair that you claim all these things, like rape and abuse, when you've never ACTUALLY been through them.

    You're taking away from the victims that actually need support.

    Why do you feel the need to lie to everyone about being victimized? Is it because you just like the attention? You know there are plenty of other ways to get people's attention without deceiving them, right?

    I'm not writing this to offend anyone. I'm writing this because people on this site are lying and I'm tired of it. I know of people who agree with me, and I know of people having to hide in the shadows because they're afraid to reach out for the help they so desperately need.
     
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    To anyone who feels they can't ask for help: Though depression, low self esteem, and low self worth blight our thoughts, everyone is deserving of help if they need it.

    Even you!
     
  3. I find this triggering,ive been accused of lying and making things up in the past,which has scarred me,thats why as a member of this forum,i spend most my time lurking in the corner,thats my trust issues,but what i want to say is if you feel members are being deceptive,report it to the management.
     
  4. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    :sad: donno.. id feel gutted if I were trying to help someone cope with something and found out later that it was a lie. I'd be hard but, that in itself is not the end of it. It's possibly a step along the path to identifiying someones issues, be it impersinating issues, or needing someone to "see" them or just acknowledge they exsist. It's not the right way to go about doing it, but in this, we're human and no one is perfect, and at the end of the day, I dont think anyone wants to feel like shit all the time. Sometimes people feel so bad and they dont know why, and see the support another person is recieving because of that persons issues, they mimic them, and it gets carried away, until perhaps in some cases they cant stop it for fear of looseing that support they need. Just going about it wrong, and not looking at the real reasons and issues for why they are feeling the way they are.

    I know this doesn't apply for all, but part of regaining our strength in my opinon is to not close doors on people, especially when the fuck up, and not let our own feelings of being betrayed and used get the better of us and the potential fact that there may be someone who is really hurting and they just do not know how to express it.

    Just something to think about if you're feeling totally used. In any event, i would suggest remembering you are important and your feelings are important. Don't let something like that hurt you.. it's not your issue, it's theirs, and you can try to help them see it and get through it, or you can leave them to it. Either way, it's not about you, dont let it touch you.
     
  5. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Just a thought, but if someone is 'lying' about something like that, maybe there's a good reason for it. Maybe that the pain that makes them have to 'deceive' is the same as the pain if that had really happened to them. Maybe sometimes it's worth looking underneath just to check what's going on for that person. I suppose I'm trying to say it's always better to give someone the benefit of the doubt before assuming they're out to hurt or put down or whatever...
     
  6. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey Blake you posted just as I was writing my reply. Want to say you've put it really well, that's the kind of stuff I was thinking. Well said.
     
  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Same to you :) It's nice to know more people think the same
     
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I keep coming back to this thread because it is disturbing me. I wasnt going to post anything but I need to. In my personal opinion threads like this serve no purpose but to give the OP some sort of control over another person. The first time I read it, I started to think that maybe someone here thought I was lying about all the things that have happened to me. It hurt to assume someone would think that little of me. But I have and still live with all that happened. Too many women (myself included while I was living with my now ex) hide the abuse all too well. And the people that cause the abuse are masters at covering it up as well. No one wants to believe the woman when she finally has the backbone to stand up to it. The person guilty of the "crimes" appears so innocent to the general public,family and friends. It is hard to convince those people of the truths of the whole matter. My Minister didnt even believe me at first. It wasnt until my 1st attempt and the docs confirmed(part of my diagnoses was battered wife syndrome) what was going on that my own family and his finally started to put the pieces together and believed me.

    "It's not fair that you claim all these things, like rape and abuse, when you've never ACTUALLY been through them."

    Unless you are the person that the abuse and rape are being accused of performing then how do you know it didnt happen? Unless you were witness to all that happened behind closed doors, you do not know for certain. I spent some 20 years facing abuse, sexual, physical and mental (and this still continues through the mind games and attempts to still keep me crushed under his control). It wasnt until my children started to witness it and to some degree suffer it too that I finally said enough. Some women never say enough. They are too scared of exactly what has happened here. People are not going to believe them.

    If you have proof of the accusations then dont be so secretive about posting it. You know, others know but who exactly are all these people. I truly hope that you have the proof to show this person is lying. This is a subject that no one should ever lie about. It not only makes it hard for those that need support but are too afraid to come forward for reasons like this thread, but also those that are finally feeling strong enough to stand up to the abuse but now question who might think they are lying.

    I hope that you do have the proof and you should take it straight to admin. You and the others that can back this with admin can work at resolving the matter. But a post like this on the open forum can cause more harm than good for those of us that have lived through it and now wonder why someone might disblieve us.

    I am not trying to personally attack you Epiphany. I dont know if you have experienced rape and abuse. Honestly I'm not up to checking into it right now. But if you have, you should understand where I'm coming from. It's great that you are trying to call someone on their story. But for you and others that post things like this publicly it makes me personally feel like someone is once again trying to control me. Control what and how I deal with the painful events that DID really happen. The information is much better, with all the proof you have, taken up with admin.

    Just my thoughts and feeling on this. Sorry not meant to offend or upset anyone. And at the risk of being an ass once again, I am not defending the person that may be lying about the rape and abuse. I am sharing how I feel about it all and hoping that this post gives those that are hiding away from support will come forward or continue to receive all the help they can. Rape and abuse and the total control it can take of your life is so scary and degrading. No one should lie about such a thing. And even more no one should have to live in fear of the retributions of coming forward about it either.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2009
  9. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    this is disturbing...very serious accusations...so many people never tell anyone about their abuse beacuse of shame, stigma, fear,...and how do we know that those who have posted are not honest? how can you be sure? isn't it awful to wrongfully accuse someone of doing that?...not saying that there aren't any, but the people who do that obviously are not well, they need some help too...I'd say they need love and understanding just as much as those who have been abused...sorry to write like this but this is really making me confused and I've been in a situation when someone has been wrongfully accused and it was horrible...I think one should really be absolutely positive when stating this kind of accusation...there are people who are enough scared to talk about such experience and this could make them stay silent just because someone might suspect they're not honest and it would bring even more shame to them
     
  10. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Perhaps they have inside knowledge? Like an admission in private conversation that claims of rape and/or abuse are a lie? Its not something beyond the realms of possibility. I would say that personal attacks arent something to be encouraged, and at least the OP had the sense to avoid naming anyone in particular, but if the OP feels strongly that somebody is taking advantage of other people on this site in order illicit attention, then it really is an issue that should be forwarded to management.
     
  11. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

    Okay, I'm trying to keep the names out of this because I don't need anyone being offended.

    I'm also not trying to be offensive to those who really have been through this stuff, as I have also been victimized in the past.

    The reason I posted this is because the person talking about being raped had started out by telling everyone she had consensual sex with a relative, and all the members she talked to kept telling her she was raped, even though she wasn't. They pushed that idea so far into her head that she's started talking about the incident as though it were the way they all claim instead of the way she has admitted. Now she's out seeking attention and sympathy and taking away from the real victims.

    I wrote that because I know of people who have been sexually assaulted and/or raped who take offense to this person's actions but don't want to voice their opinions for fear or recognition/backlash. I, on the other hand, am seeking justice for them, as well as all other victims.

    I'm sorry if you felt that I was trying to control you. I never intended for my thread to come out that way to anyone. In no way am I trying to deny any events that may have taken place in any person's life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2009
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    And inturn I hope you dont take my rambling and venting as a personal insult to you either. It wasnt intended that way. I understand your motivation behind the post. And I also appreciate that you labelled it "triggering". I read it and reread it. And my reply was not going to be as long as it turned out to be either. But the more I wrote the more I triggered. Guess I just wanted anyone else out there that may have had the same reactions when they read it to see they could still fight, still look for support and not need to hide away because they too may of wondered if the post was about them.
    Thank you for posting and supporting those that cant in regards to your thread. Hope it all gets cleared up.
     
  13. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member







    I feel the same way as itmahahn
    I always take posts like this personally when the op makes no attempt to narrow the range in a general accusation in their origional post..Many people on SF have issues with trust and suspicions that no one cares,etc.etc. I feel that if someone has a problem with someone else,it should be between the two and maybe admins..all taken care of amongst just them.No one likes to be paranoid and feel they are part of a personal problem with another member.
    On the other hand I can relate to the op....I wouldnt doubt it if this does happen too often on SF, or any website.Some people just have no scruples.And what if you are wrong? How devestating to be accused of lying if you were telling the truth-albeit inconsistantly..the person probably has so many issues they can not articulate them.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2009
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