i live in edinburgh some friends live here too but when i'm around them i feel fake. like when i'm at a party i spend most of the time sitting quietly in the corner. sometimes i talk, but i talk like them and not like me. sometimes i get really drunk and i wake up feeling sick and ashamed. i hate myself for wanting their acceptance. i wish i felt nothing coz everthing seems to hurt now. i think people are hurting me and they don't know it. sometimes i imagine slashing my wrists and how beautiful it would be. and sometimes i imagine a happy ending for me with a life full of light and love. i so wanna be happy. i'm not sure why i wrote this coz it's all in my head.