Fallin in love and now my hearts broken... breakup..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by takiado, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. takiado

    takiado Member

    About 2 years Ive been going out with my girlfriend and now this very valentines day weekend she decided to break up with me. We were in Love and I was planning on marrying this girl in a couple years. She wanted to be with me forever and I too. She was the one who had put the marriage idea in my head a few months ago. But yesterday morning... at 2 a.m. we decided to sleep like usual. we're both 19 and she got off of work at 1:00 in the morning ( works very late at the casino ) and we talked about our days and everything was great. I even gave her an oragami rose I had made her which took 3-4 hours to make... it turned out great and looks amazingly real! But thats not the point.. the point is that she acted kind of funny after the lights were off and we started to cuddle. I asked what was wrong and that she's been acting strange lately... as in just maybe shes a little stressed cause we never see each other since shes working.. or maybe stressed cause shes has school on her days off of work.. But in fact she said that she knows and she cant do this anymore. She said, "i have to go... Im sorry" and I was like, "whats going on? Dont leave, come back! Did I do something wrong?" And she said something like, "no, its me.. I just close off whenever anything sexual or romantic arises" "im sorry, its not you... its me. I dont know whats wrong with me. I Love You, I'm just not IN Love with you. Im sorry..." and I started crying and she said "Im sorry I cant stand to see you hurt, Im leaving, Bye!" And she ran out and drove home. I texted her and she didnt want me to talk to her. She said that she doesnt see us getting married and stuff and she doesnt know if she wants a relationship right now. She feels horrible and she doesnt know whats wrong with her right now. Everyone I know is telling me that she is probably just stressed, but I dont think shes coming back. She said she just needs space so Im giving it to her. But I want to kill myself so bad. Everything reminds me of her. She WAS my LIFE! SHe IS my LIFE! She was who and what I thought about every day, even through times of work and school I'd think about her and plan on surprising her with something or maybe planning a romantic evening. Or even watch a movie or w/e. I just LOVE being with her! Now Everything hurts cause I Want Her so bad and she probably doesn't want me... ugg... shes acting kind of how I did a while back in the relationship and we kind of traded places but I've been through them both and I stayed through it... I had a hard time in the relationship and I fought through it to be with her. Now she is having a hard time and she broke up with me. I don't know if she'll ever come back.. I just want to kill myself tonight.. I dont' want to live through this pain. Its all memories. We've met each others family. ENTIRE family. They considered me a part of theirs.I have her cousins numbers and what not. Shes met my family and damnit, I Love Her So Much... I'll never stop loving her. I know its dumb and typical for me to say there is nobody else for me, but shes who I want to be with and right now shes my world. Shes Everything! I didn't like relationships for this very reason, but this girl was different and I wanted to be with her because I wanted to be with her all of the way... till the end. And I mean the end of life, the end of time. Not the end of the relationship.
    I want to kill myself... I figure the pain of shooting myself or cutting myself cant be as bad as the pain im feeling now.
     
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Emotions and love is really complicated. You need to give this time, and let her have some time. :hug:
     
  3. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I see you finally realized love isn't all rainbows and butterflys. No point in killing yourself, your mind is just clouded by emotions that are pointless.
     
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Yeah. It's a definite relation. Falling in love -> heart broken. I suggest you don't fall in love in the future.
     
  5. takiado

    takiado Member

    It hurts every day... How long am I supposed to wait? a month? Year? I cant stand the fact of her being with anyone else... damnit..
     
  6. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    It's critical that you give her time. What would happen if you decided to commit suicide, but it turns out she just needed some time and was planning to get back together with you?

    I would wait for her response.
     
  7. lettinGo

    lettinGo Well-Known Member

    yes, wait wait for her reply. maybe shes just confused of her feelings and need to think things through..?
     
  8. takiado

    takiado Member

    I hope so... She's been giving me mixed signals. She says she still loves me sometimes. I ask her if She wants any of her stuff back and she wants me to keep them. She wants to hear the song I wrote for her that I said I was going to burn. And she is closing me off whenever I try to call her. She always has an excuse. If I call her on it she just says she cant talk, in a text of course, or that she is busy. I know she is in pain whenever I attempt to call her, but I think its cause she feels bad that I love her still. I dunno. It gets much harder every single day. I did meet someone at Borders today though.. but I dont care right now. I still want my girl back. I love her more than anything. Shes really treating me crappy though. Maybe its unnavoidable in her position... ? God I hope she comes to her senses. She wont even tell me she loves me. I ask her if she loves me and she'll say "you know I do" ... its like she doesnt want to tell me it directly. Ugg... Ill keep updated on this. She still worries about me.. I almost got in a car accident today and she asked if I was okay.. in a text. But that was it. Nothing saying she cares about me or anything about her wanting me to be safe. She just gives me things that make me think she still wants to be with me, but she'll go back to hide behind her curtain, only to pop out and give me words that give me hope and make me think that she still loves me enough to make this work. But she keeps hiding and does a good job of keeping me out and keeping me confused and hurt and... well CONFUSED!
     
  9. takiado

    takiado Member

    and thank you for this. It helped me.
     
  10. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    I know it's hard, but you're just going to have to be patient. When someone needs time it may well be months that they need. And I would lay off calling her, it's kind of like picking a scab, if you excuse the metaphor....:unsure: