Hey guys! Thank you for checking my thread. I've been writing my diary for a while now, and it really helps me a lot in overcoming my anxiety and depression. So I felt not so bad lately, I felt kinda great and motivated. But something triggered my depression and anxiety seconds ago, someone reminded me of something that I shouldn't remember, and that is my rejected love for my best friend that I confessed almost 2 months ago. That one single tiny sentence, literally changed everything. Once again, I'm falling apart, my suicidal thoughts are coming back, and the worst part is MY EXPECTATION IS COMING BACK. I lost hope for her, I lost hope at every single thing that I know about her. I hate my expectations, I hate hoping something that will not happen. I don't want to break my heart again. I know what I did was wrong, I know what I did was something unnecessary and stupid. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. I lost hope of... hoping. I can't trust my expectation. It always ruins my life, every time.