Social anxiety and depression are destroying me. "Professional help" seems to be the only thing left but the services available here are so bad they don't even seem worthwhile at all (seems I'd have to take the pills at very irregular intervals which may just make things worse). I also don't trust the so-called professionals and am also skeptical of how effective the medicine really is, which was made worse after a friend killed himself around 1 month ago, after being depressed and in treatment for over 10 years. My family has also expressed an intolerance and disrespect for people with social anxiety before (not just with that, either, they're really close-minded in general) so I can't even get myself to tell them I have it, or that I've dropped out of college because of it. I've been just pretending to go, but I actually gave up on it around 8 months ago, I just can't take it. This is my second attempt at college, in the first one I dropped out after only 2 months. I only have friends online, have very few very limited interests or things I somewhat enjoy, and I thought I was doing a good job on at least keeping the suicidal feelings away but now they're back. Had them for several years, last year was the peak, and in january and february I was mostly not thinking about it anymore even though I was still feeling terrible. Now I feel so worthless, hopeless, stuck and alone that they're suddenly coming back full force and I just wish I would have ended everything last year as planned. I don't see a way out of this hell. I've been thinking so much about telling my family I need help, but even assuming that they'd be willing to help, there's nothing they can even do to help anyway, so what's the point.