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Falling apart...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Neverhappyalwayssad, May 20, 2009.

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  1. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    And no one knows.... I'm falling apart, each and everyday. I'm crying myself to sleep at 6-7 am, and then I'm sleeping to 5 Pm to do it all again. I need something to change, but nothing ever changes. My dad thinks I'm faking, and my Mom tries to understand but Its kinda hard to expect her, or anyone to understand. I don't feel 21, I feel like I'm 12.

    I want to get a job, I want to do it. But I feel like I'm broken. Just waiting for this month to be over. Get my Dad's and my cousin birthday over, Cause I really don't want my suicide to ruin anyone else's happy good time. But its gonna happen. My future ain't gonna be anything better if I don't commit suicide. Heres what I have to look forward to.... From heart disease to stroke, Neuropathy, to Retinopathy, to erectile dysfunction, to ampuation, to kidney disease, stomach nerve damage. I don't take care of myself, and I shouldn't have to. Its bullshit that anyone, should have to take insulin shots, 5-8 times a day just to fucken live. or Test their blood sugar. Yes there are people worse of than me, but its not fair for them or me to have to go through life expecting nothing to get better.

    So Kill myself or go through the pain of living with complications THAT WILL happen. I'm not an idiot I've researched it, and even diabetics in perfect control, have complications. Also Depression and diabetes go hand in hand. People with Diabetes are at higher risk for depression, and guess what less than 10% of people with the combo ever recover from their depression symptoms. Yes I'm feeling sorry for myself but FUCK IT its fuckin bullshit that I have should have to go through this shit.

    Sorry for that rant but I'm tired.......................
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You deserve to feel sorry for yourself once in a while hun. And I'm sorry that you are facing so much shit everyday. I dont know your pain but I understand it from the point of having an unfair disease. I have cancer and suffer several mental health issues. And yes it isnt fair. But then none of the crap that people have to struggle with be it physical or emotional is ever fair. No one wakes up one day and says "hey I want to be terminally ill or have a life of torture for a disease. The sad truth is that too many people are suffering in this world today. But you have people here that understand and you need to take advantage of that. We cant change what is happening but we can be a shoulder to cry on or a set of strong arms to help lift you up on those days that you feel like you are flat on your arse. Or a place to just come and ask for a hug. I wish you didnt have to deal with the prospect of a dismal future. But maybe you will find some help in finding a way to survive the shitty days like today. Please be safe.
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