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Falling apart.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by poisonedXsoul, Jun 30, 2009.

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  1. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    I thought if my father and boyfriend knew they would understand. Now it's worse. They try to shove food my way everytime I come in the door. My dad gave me money and said to bring home a reciept just so he could make sure I ate. I bought my friend food. I'm 86 pounds, I don't want them to take away all I've worked for. Now there's talk of therepy, but since I'm 18 I have to call and make appts to things I don't want to do, but if I say no...I dissapoint everyone. I thought telling would eleviate stress, but it added so much more. No one understands, I can't make them understand what I see in the mirror.

    They are noticing all the physical signs now, my hair falling out, I'm weak, my eating habits. They watch me and I hate it!
  2. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    Do you really expect people who love you to be okay with you hurting yourself? You can't seriously say you thought they will be okay with it. If your boyfriend or dad would tell you he is doing something to himself that is dangerous for his health and even life, would you be okay with it? And wouldn't try to help him?

    Also, maybe subconsciously you told them because you want help. Well part of you. It's a complicated thing and you might not even realize it, but deep down you probably know how dangerous what you are doing is, and want to save yourself.
  3. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hun i know the disappointment when all you really wanted from them was a sympathetic shoulder or someone to listen, but instead they try everything to get you to eat. it can seem like the worst thing in the world but believe me it isn't! :hug: you have to realise that what you're doing is hurting you so much and nobody wants you to hurt like that :heart: please consider getting help, it will only make you happier, and it makes you feel more in control - you just need a little help getting up first :smile: if you ever need someone to talk to though, i'm just a PM away :hug:
    thinking of you :heart: triggs xx
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I try to encourage everyone I speak with here to try and get their life together in calming tones. If I've experienced something or know of an actual situation which has occured in my lifetime I try to share what I know of it.

    I can tell you that all you need to do is look up the life of Karen Carpenter on Wikipedia to realize that her issues with weight killed her, slowly and painfully leaving a grieving family and fans to ponder the reasons why she was fixated on staying so slim. You are indeed killing yourself. Your body will begin to eat away at your organs.

    Please get help! They are only watching you because they know what is happening to you. You MUST get into therapy asap.

    (edit) I added this after I checked all your threads. It's very possible that you miscarried because of your weight. I know you want to be a mother and you will. But you must put on some weight...slowly, and begin to work out and get in shape. That will make you feel better than just losing weight. Talk to your parents openly and tell them you need help and that you're willing to do your part. You can put your life back together.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2009
  5. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Start eating hurts but it's neccesary. If you continue, you will die.

    You might think that your family want to hurt you when they try to make you eat. It's not like you might think, they probably LOVE you, that's why they are doing this.
    Your family doesn't want to watch you fading away and die. They act against your disease.

    I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same situation at this very moment.
    Today my mother made pancakes. PANCAKES, and she knows what I think about that. I feel the anger and the irritation every meal but I know the truth somewhere deep inside... I know that it's care, and not evil. But many times the feeling take the control and live it's own life. I know.

    Take care hun :hug:
  6. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    my weight was healthier when i was pregnant. losing my baby just made me stop caring.
  7. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry :hug:
  8. lsajw1

    lsajw1 Member

    I know a bit about how you feel. I remember the feeling of being constantly watched and trapped. Backed into a corner that you can't get out of. It is so frustrating and just want to claw at them and scream for them just to leave you the hell alone.

    I know it sounds so trite but they are only doing it because they care. They are probably terrified of losing you so they are trying to help you get better.

    Why don't you make an appointment? How much would it hurt just to listen to somebody?

    You need to eat or you will die. Dying of starvation is a pretty miserable death.For me it started off as a way to make myself look attractive then it became a way of making me feel in control. The rest of my life felt completely out of my control but nobody could make me eat if I didn't want to. Looking back at the photos of me I actually made myself so ugly. Having your ribs sticking out and a boney neck is not a good look!

    You need to take it in stages. Agree to go and speak to somebody and then take it from there. Say you will do this if they stop jumping on you all the time.

    I am so sorry about your baby. I imagine this is partly your way of coping. You need to grieve, but not like this honey.

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