Falling apart

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by blackfire, Nov 12, 2006.

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  1. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    I am a 21 year old male in college in Minnesota USA.

    I am falling apart by hte day. People look at me different and it hurts. Can people tell if someone is depressed by not saying anything?

    I have been going to a doctor for 2 weeks and just started anti-depressants.

    I moved out of my parents house in August and transfered to a new college to be an auto mechanic. Living alone was a bad choice, My depression has worsened and school in getting to be unbearable for me. Nobody likes me, including my instructor. I don't know what to do with myself. I am moving home and going to commute to college for the rest of the semester.

    I dated a girl that was 3 years younger than me. She treated me bad and her mom always blamed me for everything that went wrong in their disfunctional family. We fell out of love. What nobody knows is that me and this girl were going to elope and start a life together after 6 months of dating.
    it turned out that nothing i did was good enough for her. She came from a very wealthy family. It still hurts to think of it. I have tried to talk to her but she chews me out for calling her.

    I just hurt physically and my heart aches for friends. This is a lonely life we live in. i thought I was the only one that felt this way.
    i just want to give up and throw in the towel. some how I manage to keep the faith, even though every day is harder to get through.

    Does anyone feel this way or have similar experiences?
     
  2. the other guy

    the other guy Well-Known Member

    thats a good way to start to let things go, talk about it, and u will find that there are many people on this forum that have problems like u do, read other threads, and post more its good to get it out and talk to anyone.
     
  3. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the insite. i appreciate it.
     
  4. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    the other guy made me see life different. My heart is slowly healing over lost love. It is nice to see that others care.:biggrin:
     
  5. the other guy

    the other guy Well-Known Member

    good to hear, thanx. :trampolin :fuzzy:


    have u seen all the smiles they have on this sit , i think there are some really good one in here.
     
  6. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    yes, we care! You have had a lot of serious upheaval in a short period of time.

    1). you started an antidepressant and sometimes that can have a bad effect.. sometimes good. Not all antidepressants are the same and as they usually take 3 to 4 months to "even" out. You may be experiencing a chemical adjustment. Talk to your Dr. and let them know what is going on. There are ways to compensate.

    2). You moved into your own place and your not used to being alone. This can be a difficult adjustment.

    3). You are in a new college as well.. new classmates, teachers.. everything. A complete upheaval from how things were to how they are now.

    4). You recently lost a relationship that meant a great deal to you and a 3 year investment. Your plans for marriage and family have all been taken away.. changed.

    Anyone would be depressed and struggling under such changes and burdens. It's ok to grieve these losses. The plan to move back in with your parents sounds like a good solution.. it eliminates one of the burdens you have been struggling with, the loneliness and environmental change. There is always time for moving out again later.

    Depression can sometimes make learning more difficult for us. It can slow our thoughts and muddle our problem solving. But this is not a permanent state. You may think others do not like you but that is most likely the depression talking. It can lower our self esteem.

    The brain is a complicated thing. if I mention "Donald Duck" what is the first thing to pop into your mind? Goofy? or Mickey mouse? or some cartoon skit you may have seen? My point is.. thoughts are clustered together in our memory. So are feelings, smells, etc. Some people can smell pumkin pie and immediately think of Thanksgiving.. or football.. etc. Whatever thoughts, feelings and actions are associated to that stimuli it can surface.

    Right now you are in new territory and also grieving loss. thoughts and feelings of loss can trigger other past events of grief and loss.. triggering even more.. etc. It is a depressive cycle. The mind gets stuck in a negative vortex.

    Changing your actions and surroundings (like moving back) can sometimes break that cycle. Challenge the thoughts that are pulling you down. Focus on thoughts that can lift you up. It's not easy and changes can take a while to work.. it's not easy going against the flow of this negative whirlpool and turning it around can be a chore.. but already you are making some good choices and trying. Good job and keep fighting it.
     
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