Falling asleep at night...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Useless, May 13, 2015.

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  1. Useless

    Useless Active Member

    I've always wondered for a long time what regular people think about when they are laying in bed and trying to fall asleep. (By regular i mean people with Job, happy family wife and kids, house, good health)

    I know it is nothing like what things i think about.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I often wonder what and how they feel doing regular things like shopping, working etc... what is normal for them?
    I would say it's much different to how a mentally unstable person feels such as dreading the next day while the normal person is worrying about family problems or happily going to sleep. I guess unless we ask we cannot know.
  3. Useless

    Useless Active Member

    So what do people here think about then?
  4. Hopelss

    Hopelss Member

    Depending on my mood I usually am thinking of ways to make my exit or hoping that this is the night that i do not wake up. If I am feeling particularly happy then i am usually thinking about how much better my life could be if I would have known just half of what I know now back when I was 18.
    Now that it is down in text in front of me where i can read it i see how depressing it really is, at my happiest I am wishing for a different life.
  5. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Strange thing is that I used to be one of those people who was happy, successful and had a good job. You just don't realize what a valuable thing it is to have a good mind until you've lost it. This is what happened to me two and a half years ago. I still have my home, but my mind is so drastically different that I can't really take care of it or myself. About the only thing that I think about now is death and dying. I knew that I had it good and was grateful, but now it's a totally different story and I just wish that I was dead to spare myself the suffering and mental torment that I have to deal with now. I got on disability while I wasn't really disabled. I'm at least grateful to have that because with the way that I am now, I wouldn't be able to work any job.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2015
  6. insolentminx

    insolentminx New Member

    i have also been feeling like im not really meant for this life.i often think about ending this life through making poor life choices. And i have gone and us
  7. Elaina

    Elaina New Member

    I can't shut my head off at night or at any other time, either. It's like an endless tape constantly running telling me about all the mistakes I have made in my life and how other people have wronged me. Thinking about death gives me the peace I need to escape the endless chatter in my brain. To answer your question, I don't think that "regular" people have this problem. They may run through their day, or fret over normal worries, but they can slow it down or shut it off.
  8. Useless

    Useless Active Member

    I can very much relate to this.
    Mostly my thoughts are about how best to make my exit as trouble free for everyone around me and others.
    And yes, the same thoughts about regret and how things might be different now if i had only changed things back when...For me it goes right back to primary school.
  9. Useless

    Useless Active Member

    Thats what i think too about regular people. And i completely relate to the constant tape you cant shut off as the thoughts keep going round and round. Its almost like thinking about death is the new "counting the sheep jumping over a fence" to get to sleep thing...
  10. emotionsickness

    emotionsickness Well-Known Member

    I can relate to having my thoughts race when I'm trying to get to sleep. The worst is when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. Most times when I do that, I find myself thinking about the future and all the terrible things I may have to deal with then. Then I will have to walk around or grab a snack just to get my mind to a less anxious state. I guess I'm trying to say you're not alone in having those kinds of thoughts when going to sleep, even if "normal" people don't.
  11. Koji

    Koji Well-Known Member

    i usually imagine having someone there with me
  12. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You might be surprised about "regular people" (though i admit to being clueless as how that is actually defined but most people seem to use it to mean "most everybody but me" - so far as married and wife and kids) I can tell you what i think about because I clearly remember single and no wife and kids and all i had to feel sad or worried about was me-- now you take everything you feel sad and worried or scared about for yourself , and add 2x that fear and anxiety about the same problems your spouse may be be thinking about or having and 50x the anxiety about your children feeling the same way. And these thoughts were not greatly different when I was healthy and working- any pain or distress faced by my wife or kids was then and is now far worse than my personal pain- I do not know anybody that has such a perfect life that there kids don't cry and have hurt feelings and their wife is never upset, and being in that relationship just means you feel all that pain as well as your own.

    I have seen 1 - precisely 1- real life friend in the last 3 years, so I am pretty understanding and empathetic to feeling lonely and pain of being alone- I am not able to work for 7 years now - so while I see my immediate family the only social interaction I have is here- period- social or business work so far as it goes. And yet if my daughter is not picked up on time by friends and is sad they blew her off I lay awake at night thinking of her pain and sadness and those thoughts are far worse than my own pain or sadness. Your belief that family and kids makes all fine is interesting but but in no way based in reality. The fact about what is thought about laying awake at night is easy - everything bad in your life multiplied by 10x because you, much like I, seem not to care about your own life at all. It is not a nice feeling not caring about your own life and it is painful. It is far far worse though when bad things happen to somebody you do actually care about, and that is what a "regular family person" thinks about. You do spend some time thinking about ways for your ending of life to not impact others you care for some , so you do have an inkling. Just add to it all the worries about things you have no control over at all, and the fact all the things that hurt you hurt the people you love as well so you feel all of their pain as well as your own.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2015
  13. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    It's pretty weird, and your dignity might not let you do something like this; But when I go to sleep, I think about a fictional character that I'd like to hug to sleep and just fill my whole head with the simple thought of wanting to hold them. I can always doze off within 1-3 minutes or so. I used to be quite the insomniac.

    If you let your mind wander when you go to sleep, you'll stay awake for minutes, hours maybe, before managing to pull it off.
    You've got to fill your mind with very simple and comforting thoughts. Maybe even something lustful, because that's a rather primitive and simple emotion.
    It also helps to set the mood before you go to sleep, wind down, maybe drink one of those teas that can help relax yourself and are known to be good to have before sleeping.
    You could listen to some relaxing music too, or have a shower close to bedtime.
  14. KiY

    KiY Member

    When I fall asleep on a good day I think about some sort of escapism, like a book, or a film, or a game that I saw and drift off to sleep. On a bad day I think about my life and the people in it. I start to fill up with anger until I can't keep still and I have to get out of bed and start pacing around, seething with hatred at the world. I don't sleep when I'm like that. I just chain smoke until I feel calm and stay awake for hours and hours until I'm so exhausted my body won't let me stay awake anymore. If somehow I stay awake until it is dark again, I get horrible headaches and muscle pains. I try to sleep, but get shocked awake often, have horrible nightmares, sleep paralysis, and hear funny static sounds inside my head. Most of the time I hate going to sleep because I know that when I wake up I've got to start a day over. Sometimes that's too much to for me to handle, so I don't sleep at all and make the day longer than it has to be. It's stupid logic really.
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