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Falling from grace

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Was took to hospital last wednesday after a attempt, was found, :(
got seen by psych team who told me they would be getting the home treatment team out to me, 5 days later, and nothing!! not a word from anyone, left to fester with my mind telling me to just get it over with and join my sister.

I live in a homeless hostel, so its not like anyone is going to notice anyway when I am gone! my psychologist is the only person who even pretends to give a shit!!!! :'(

I can not do this anymore, I am losing who I really am, I don't even know who I am anymore, have completely lost the person i used to be, all be it i have been ill ten years now but i used to atleast to be even dream that things may change may get better but now I cant even do that, my sleep is ruined with dreams of different ways in which i can take my life, my mind consumed every waking moment!! :''(

I went to the shops today and collected all I will need, took me 8 shops to get it all, but I am done, I am not me, I just need to be with my sister and if the hospital wont help me or anyone else than I have no other choice anymore I can not control myself from my mind anymore, I can not stop myself doing what it tells me to!

I just wanted to be accepted, helped, cared for by people who are meant to care, instead they raped, beat up, drugged, left me homeless, alone......

I was raped again, ten years of it happening all the time, i feel like a toy and I can not be their toy anymore, I can not anymore, I am done, finished, kim I am coming with you.

I hope you all achieve your dreams! xxxxxxxxxx
whats the use, i got took to hosp on wednesday and they told me they would get the htt to see me and still nothing from them, i have begged for help, phoned my psych and told her ill be ending it tonight and all she sai was please dont. no one will help me, i am better off gone, i am just a pain to them all, a burden :'''(


Staff Alumni
I'm not sure what the criteria for getting sectioned or involuntarily committed in your part of the UK is. I'm from the southern USA, and I know there probably is some kind of difference. Do you know what the criteria is? Here, you have to be deemed an imminent threat to yourself or others.
I think its the same here, which is why they were sending the home treatment to me , but i havent hear anythign from anyone since, they didnt want me in hospital to be sectioned because they know the places terrify me. i am done, so sorry x
No I spoke to my psych and social worker today and they were both just like oh i dont know why the hospital havent done what they said, and when i said i can't go on anylonger to psych she just said pls dont. x


Staff Alumni
:hug: I can't imagine how frustrating this process is for you. Do you have any family members you can talk to about this? I don't know, just a thought. =[
The staff here are the ones who found me on wednesday, but that was only cause they knocked on my door cause i was meant to be in a meeting.

but i dont have any more meetings for a long time, so no one will be able to find me till its too late this time, I am going now i cant wait any longer.....
thank you for sticking around to talk to me. meant a LOT!
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