Falling from grace

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by KellyFaith, Oct 3, 2011.

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  1. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    Was took to hospital last wednesday after a attempt, was found, :(
    got seen by psych team who told me they would be getting the home treatment team out to me, 5 days later, and nothing!! not a word from anyone, left to fester with my mind telling me to just get it over with and join my sister.

    I live in a homeless hostel, so its not like anyone is going to notice anyway when I am gone! my psychologist is the only person who even pretends to give a shit!!!! :'(

    I can not do this anymore, I am losing who I really am, I don't even know who I am anymore, have completely lost the person i used to be, all be it i have been ill ten years now but i used to atleast to be even dream that things may change may get better but now I cant even do that, my sleep is ruined with dreams of different ways in which i can take my life, my mind consumed every waking moment!! :''(

    I went to the shops today and collected all I will need, took me 8 shops to get it all, but I am done, I am not me, I just need to be with my sister and if the hospital wont help me or anyone else than I have no other choice anymore I can not control myself from my mind anymore, I can not stop myself doing what it tells me to!

    I just wanted to be accepted, helped, cared for by people who are meant to care, instead they raped, beat up, drugged, left me homeless, alone......

    I was raped again, ten years of it happening all the time, i feel like a toy and I can not be their toy anymore, I can not anymore, I am done, finished, kim I am coming with you.

    I hope you all achieve your dreams! xxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hope you stay safe, Kelly. :(
     
  3. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    I can't anymore, tonight's the night :'(
     
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Can you call emergency services?
     
  5. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    whats the use, i got took to hosp on wednesday and they told me they would get the htt to see me and still nothing from them, i have begged for help, phoned my psych and told her ill be ending it tonight and all she sai was please dont. no one will help me, i am better off gone, i am just a pain to them all, a burden :'''(
     
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I'm not sure what the criteria for getting sectioned or involuntarily committed in your part of the UK is. I'm from the southern USA, and I know there probably is some kind of difference. Do you know what the criteria is? Here, you have to be deemed an imminent threat to yourself or others.
     
  7. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    I think its the same here, which is why they were sending the home treatment to me , but i havent hear anythign from anyone since, they didnt want me in hospital to be sectioned because they know the places terrify me. i am done, so sorry x
     
  8. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Is there anyone you can speak to about this who you haven't already spoken to?
     
  9. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    No I spoke to my psych and social worker today and they were both just like oh i dont know why the hospital havent done what they said, and when i said i can't go on anylonger to psych she just said pls dont. x
     
  10. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    :hug: I can't imagine how frustrating this process is for you. Do you have any family members you can talk to about this? I don't know, just a thought. =[
     
  11. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    No I dont have any family, I live in a homeless hostel
     
  12. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    You said people were trying to save you before. Do you know who you were referring to?
     
  13. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    The staff here are the ones who found me on wednesday, but that was only cause they knocked on my door cause i was meant to be in a meeting.

    but i dont have any more meetings for a long time, so no one will be able to find me till its too late this time, I am going now i cant wait any longer.....
    thank you for sticking around to talk to me. meant a LOT!
    xx
     
  14. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Would your mom really not doing anything if you told her what you were feeling?
     
  15. KellyFaith

    KellyFaith Member

    no she doesnt care, she just cares about getting her next fix or drink! i am nothing to her!
     
  16. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    :hug: I'm deeply sorry to hear that, Kelly.
     
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