falling in love... w/ everyone.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by IDKwhatIwant, Oct 17, 2009.

  1. IDKwhatIwant

    IDKwhatIwant Well-Known Member

    I have a bad habit of falling in love with women that i know. normally like a crush, so i take more interest in them. well talk longer, ill ask more questions. well share more and bond over it. then when i consider the possibility really there, i ask. they brush it off, i step down. were still cool. but i dont have that interest in a crush anymore, and no longer ask such questions. we keep in touch, but were not really close anymore. ive done this quite a lot...

    i know a woman now who is like my twin. we have so much in common, yet were still completely different. we can talk for like six hours. i can go a whole day at work and home and in public and maybe say like twelve words. i call her, and we talk for hours... she says im her best friend. i feel bad for falling in love. ive even had red flags where i knew it wouldnt even work. so theres no reason to really even try for a relationship. but i still do. i dont know what my problem is.

    how do i not feel so needy and lonely and desperate? just enjoy the friendship, without feeling like shes going to find someone else?
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I have done that a lot. I finally identified it as infatuation. I made a new rule for myself. When I find myself in this situation, I identify it as an infatuation and tell myself I'm going to enjoy the infatuation. It usually last about 30 days and I end up with a friend that I feel is my friend and I haven't said anything so I'm not embarrassed. Doing this has relieved me of a lot of stress.

  3. Meander

    Meander Active Member

    This all sounds very familiar to me. I admit that I have very little experience with getting into relationships. I've only had one girlfriend in my life and, though we're now engaged, that still leaves me as inexperienced. However, based on everything I've heard, read and done I've learned one thing that may be useful. The most enduring relationships are ones that no one asked for. The question "do you want to go steady?" was never asked. You're doing the best thing you can do as far as I know. You're spending time with her, talking to her for hours on end, these are both good things. The only aspect of a "serious relationship" that you don't already have is physical intimacy but your description of the situation didn't really give me the impression that was the most important thing in the world to you. Keep talking to her. If she enjoys her time with you, if it makes her smile, then you can love yourself for that. Like I said, keep doing what your doing and let anything that might come of this evolve naturally.
  4. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    I don't think I fall in love with just anyone, but I definitely have obsessive tendencies and I can become fixated on people very quickly. The problem with me lies in the fact that fantasy begins filling in reality once a feel-good connection is made. All I need is for someone to be ok in my book and I immediately begin to make them into my dream guy. My mind does all of the work. That's when the obsession begins and I start to feel as if I am falling in love with them. I'll think about them often, finds ways to call them up, email them, and hang out. I'll think of ways they can fit into my life. I can't get them out of my head.

    This is a hard loop to extract myself from because when I'm at this point, it's hard to tell reality from fantasy and I feel I'm an intelligent person. This just has nothing to do with intelligence. It's compulsion. The fantasy begins to feel so real. I start to believe my obsessive feelings are genuine signs of love.

    This makes me sick when I think about it because I don't know if I can trust myself to connect with someone in a healthy way. This is why I've been struggling with wanting to be alone lately so that I can take a step back and start to see myself and the things I do clearly. I know this obsessive behavior isn't healthy and I am at the stage where I can admit that. I feel if I can do that, then maybe I can overcome this pattern and get better.

    I think I've made some steps in the right direction recently by cutting off certain ties that weren't healthy for me and that added more to my confusion. It was extremely hard but I had to do it for my own emotional health.