Falling in Love with Depression

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by BitterandNumb, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. BitterandNumb

    BitterandNumb Member

    Depression is hard enough to deal with on its own, but falling in love with someone at the same time can be especially dangerous. We leave ourselves so very vulnerable when we open our hearts to the idea of love, and the depression waits like a hungry wolf to pounce at the very moment we are hurt in any way. Not to mention how the lack of self confidence and lack of enthusiasm looks to an outside perspective. In most cases it tends to scare people away, which only makes the vicious cycle of depression spin even faster. How can one even approach love under such conditions? And when love comes to us inexplicably while we have no say in the matter, are we doomed to our inevitable pain of rejection?
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  2. ineedsomeone

    ineedsomeone New Member

    this is true and i dont know the cure
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  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    It's very true. I was unable to date until my 40's because I didn't want to be with anyone who knew I had the mental health illnesses I was suffering. I feel like I gave up my teens, twenties and thirties to depression and I was bitter a long time. But I can't look back now. If you're lonely and want to date though, I think honesty is the best policy. When I felt strong enough, while I started dating, I told potential long-term partners that I had depression and anxiety. Some ran screaming, but others were more understanding because they could relate. It's a scary thing though.
    Thauoy likes this.
  4. Piexes

    Piexes Well-Known Member

    love is slow, but infatuation is fast and that is dangerous if you are depressed. I was thinking about this last night, after having a talk with my sister, after being brutally rejected by person whom i was infatuated with, the feelings of infatuation had brought me to highs that resembled "love" but also extreme lows, because infatuation is shaky ground and I was depressed to begin with. I had a real conversation with my sister, about everything, about feeling suicidal, about feeling not enough, about him, and she didn't run screaming or berate me like he had, and she LISTENED, and she didn't judge, because she truly cared, and she truly loves me. It made her think of the girl she's been dating, how she's been afraid of taking that step into vulnerability, because she is afraid. love is secure and letting go of fear and destroying your walls, but slowly, I think.
    Frances M likes this.
  5. ineedsomeone

    ineedsomeone New Member

    i love my family and friends that care about me.i find it hard to give myself to someone who may act like a fake friend and make false assumptions about me.can someone love you if they despise certain things about you? the human mind is hard to control especially when people have no control over their negative thoughts about others.in short im yet to find my soulmate and doubt i ever will.
  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    That's very insightful. I agree it's slow. I feel as though this is my reality. My bf and I keep building then knocking down walls. His are much more fortified and harder to break through but they do come down once in a while. I think the two of us started as infatuation, but we were both depressed, so co-dependent at the same time. Not a good mix, but we're still learning about each other after three and a half years.

    What made me sad is what you said "love is secure and letting go of fear"...I cried at that because I certainly don't feel secure, loved or confident enough to let go of my fear. Sad. Some day I do, then I learn a new lesson not to trust. I wonder if this will ever get better.
  7. zuzuspetals

    zuzuspetals Member

    Good questions, Bitterandnumb. The answers are indeed illusive. I always had it in the back of my mind that I should try to get enough help from a pro first, and then falling in love wasn’t such a crap shoot. I always thought I was imposing my predicament onto innocent bystanders when I became involved with them romantically but felt like I was not “right”. Counselors have come a long way, lately. There is some really good help out there. You may have to dip your toe in a few times until you find a great one, but that’s worth it – you’re worth it. I don’t think we’re “doomed”. I think there is redemption, and a loving God waiting patiently for us to come to the end of our rope… and it’s there that we find Him. I’ll pray that you seek and find Him before coming to the end of yours. Blessings!
  8. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I know partially that my depression and all of it's causations and byproducts helped to end my current relationship with my partner. And I know I will never set foot in another relationship at least for a very long time, because it's like you say, a vulnerable and open heart is like a piece of rare steak to the hungry wolf that is 'depression.' I feel like I set my expectations too high for whoever I meet, they disappoint me or say something and I take it the wrong way, and it just erodes the whole thing because I tend to be highly sensitive to perceived rudeness or crude comments. I can say I have actually been depressed throughout a majority of that relationship and it's only gotten harder to 'shake', and it's no way to live and be in a relationship. I need to help myself, and do this on my own free will where I have no constraints or limitations placed upon me from being with someone else. Particularly when they do not understand depression and think you can wave a magic wand and poof myself out of this emotional abyss.
    BitterandNumb, Frances M and Piexes like this.
  9. Niantiel

    Niantiel Active Member

    I actually wear a skull ring on my wedding finger, for similar reasons...
    When asked, I simply tell people that I'm married to Death...
    What that means to me is obviously very personal, and I'd rather not disclose that publicly but to clarify simple questions that would arise out of that: No, I'm not actually married nor have I ever been, and no, no former lover of mine died either.
  10. spacecowboy

    spacecowboy Well-Known Member

    I only had slight interactions with a couple guys and when I told them about my depression, they couldn't run away fast enough. I've pretty well given up since then.
    BitterandNumb likes this.