falling rapidly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by frantic, Jul 29, 2013.

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  1. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    down down down faster and faster.

    i want to hurt myself.

    i want to disappear.

    i want to sleep and sleep and sleep, sleep without nightmares, just sleep, just darkness, just nothign.

    i'm exhasuted.

    i don't want to do anythign, just sit/lay here and do nothign.

    the pain is getting stronger again. it's the pain that will killme everntually.

    i do have the means, but i'm tring to hold on. i'm getting weaker and weaker though. always thinking about it. that it's there, that i can use it at any time. i know it would work. my psychiatrist said so.
     
  2. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    about to hit rock bottom. it was a very fast fall. i ohpe the impact will kill me.

    9 years ago today my mom died of cancer. she was 64. it never gets any easier. and we weren't even especially close.
     
  3. Pertokeyo

    Pertokeyo Banned Member

    I know you must feel overwhelmed, empty and heavy right now. Try to focus and think about anything that gives you strength. Try and do anything requires your complete focus. You can get through this and there will be amazing moments in the future to be excited to.
     
  4. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    i cant focus on anything. no strenght either.

    just tired.

    everybody's in bed. i could just leave. just go and disappeara. so easy. sweet nothign.
     
  5. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    I can relate how hard it is to get the energy to do things and try to change but we must if we want to create a better future :). One small step at a time I think. Is it mainly your mothers passing that has got you down? I havent experienced this but I would think she would want you to keep trying and remember the good memories of her.
     
  6. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    no, it's not only that. that was kinda the last strw though.

    i've just had enoguh. sure, i get better, for alittle while. and then i crash again. its a neverending cycle. and i'm too exhausted to get back up again. its so pointless. just a repeat of the last 30000000000000000 times. im living groundhog day. just that i dont get ot wake up and evertyigns fine. nothign is fine. it was never fine. it will never be fine. the struggle has to end somewhere.
    and im so tired.

    i feel dazed. foggy. like i'm not really there. nothign is real. i feel more dead than alive already. just one more step.
     
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