down down down faster and faster. i want to hurt myself. i want to disappear. i want to sleep and sleep and sleep, sleep without nightmares, just sleep, just darkness, just nothign. i'm exhasuted. i don't want to do anythign, just sit/lay here and do nothign. the pain is getting stronger again. it's the pain that will killme everntually. i do have the means, but i'm tring to hold on. i'm getting weaker and weaker though. always thinking about it. that it's there, that i can use it at any time. i know it would work. my psychiatrist said so.