falling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Aug 25, 2014.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    i feel like all is falling around me, or maybe i mean its me thats falling. not thinking straight sorry.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: You have gotten through feeling like this before, I think you can do it again hun. Sorry you are in distress, my PM box is always open to you :hug:
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yes, I have petal. Thank you and sorry.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You're welcome and no need to be sorry. Stay safe sweetie :hug: and keep posting shall you feel the need to.
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yes, feel like I'm about to explode.

    My boss contacted me, I didn't respond. It's after hours, but that's normal for them. Now I feel guilty for not responding. But I'm stressed enough tonight. Feels like not responding is as bad as actually responding.

    I don't want to do THIS. Its so hard. And I know it is stupid and I am stupid. A waste of time. Of space. No wonder anyone that meant anything to me has gone. By their own choosing and not.

    What does it say about me in the grand scheme of things? That whatever has happened actually occurred? Is it all because of something I have done? A horrible karmic experience? This life is repayment for somethings I may have previously done? I don't know. But perhaps that is true. I don't have another explanation. It must be true, then.

    And so what? Now what? More of the same? Why in hell would I do that? Or why should I have to submit myself to that? It is selfish of me somewhat, but there are no humans involved in my life atm. Makes sense then to me. Or more sense. Or practical. Much more practical.
     
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Another anniversary today. Death, again. I nearly cried today. A couple of tears shed, but not what is needed. I can't let go and all is mounting. Its a lonely feeling and hard to explain. I'm scared to let go. For many reasons, but they matter not anyhow. And so the pressure is building and the release valves aren't there. SH has returned a little. I don't want to go there, but if I have no other outlet, perhaps its better than other things.

    Just rambling.
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You aren't stupid, or a waste of time or space. :hug: Here if you want to talk, or if there's any way I can help.
     
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