Hey there, one of my first posts here and most likely wont be my last. I need help basically, I'm 18, I have a lot of problems, a lot of history, but one of my main issues I need sorting to begin with (if I'm to be successful in getting my life sorted) is motivation. I'm in my last year of college before going to university, have final exams in june that I need to get top grades in to even get to uni (which is basically just the beakon at the end of the tunnel, I'm hoping university will be a turning point in my life). I go to a selective grammar school in england, which is basically like a private school but seems to just supress creativity and individuality. I used to be top in my year in most subjects, good at sports, good runner and generally good student. But since about 3 years ago, I'v just started sliding downhill, school seems so pointless in a way, I really don't want to do what is widely accepted in society (and really don't want to become like my parents who have done nothing with their lives), which is work long and hard in school (wasting the best years of your life) to get a shitty job which your stuck in till you die, working for money so you can survive and surviving just so you can work some more. Hey, maybe I'm just clinging to an unrealistic dream, but to me that's not what life should be about...all the beauty in the world is being wasted away and people are stuck behind desks. But I guess that's only part of my problem, there's my despression too, which is somewhat linked in but separate in it's own way but that's another issue at the moment. So back to the point, I'v since focused my attention on a career in film as that is basically the only thing that I can imagine myself enjoying and have applied for those courses at university - after being persuaded that uni is the only way to stand a chance at getting a decent job - thought to be honest I'd rather just get out of the education system altogether and not have to deal with £15-30,000 worth of debt involved in going to uni in the uk. But I'm basically failing this last year at school and the conditions that they've given me for these film related courses are annoyingly high for courses that everyone either laughs at or frowns on. My attendance this year has been about 50-60% and I'v gone from straight A's to C's and D's, I'm just becoming aware that I'm just fucking up my chances of doing something with my life, I know I need to change, the desire's there, but the motivation is not... the best way to describe it is as a solid object at first, then it just drifts apart like smoke carried by the wind and then it's gone... you replace the object again, but it drifts away again... and the result is, nothing gets done. It's almost as if I can't make a connection between the end product and the stuff in between anymore. As much as I try... I mean I tried to set a timetable to do at least some work and to sort out my attendance to lessons (which I mostly hate - another reason for my shitty attendance), but I just ignore it, put it off to another day that I know won't come. It's scary because I can almost feel what's coming...I'll fail to get in to uni, drop out of everything basically with no motivation to sort myself out...it seems like that's just around the corner for me. Sorry for the long post, would really appreciate some help and advice on getting back motivation, I know it's a symptom of my depression, but I at least need some quick fix just stop me wasting 14 years of school leaving with nothing at the end of it. N hey, because of my insomnia it's once again 5 am, I'm still awake, and I'm meant to have school at 8:30... it's seems like not a lot is going for me atm.