I wish I was a stronger person, I've tried really I have, I've survived the torment of this wretched illness for years, things get harder never easier, and whenever there is some light, it is usually snatched away,
I have fought for so long, screaming in the dark,
I won't say too much, just the essentials, I wanted to come to Canada my whole life, and after many many years, I was eventually blessed to come here, I thought this land would heal me, complete me, and it did, but not how i thought, I was lost, scared, alone, far from home, and then he came, an angel, my hero, my salvation, he held me, he kissed me, he gave me everything I wanted for so long, for a few hours, then he left,
Every beat since my heart has broken more, I'm too ill to carry on, but when I lose hope, I get an email from him, when I want to die, he saves me, he knows nothing of my condition, or my feelings, I think things are casual for him, but for me, he is everything.....and i'm not strong enough to survive without him,
Now defeated, with no where to go, I am to return back to the country that birthed me, and I can't do it, I can't leave this country or him, so I decided that I would go and spend one final weekend with him, (i haven't seen him for over a month...the longest of my life) then I'm going to take my own life, i'm terrified, I don;t want to go to Hell, but maybe I deserve it for the pain I'm going to cause,
thank you for reading this, and if you care, then I thank you even more,
I am hopeless, again left in the dark, and all i'm going to do is cause more pain and heartache, I'm selfish, and cruel, and in so much pain, I feel pathetic, I feel ugly, why does he even want me, he could have any guy he wanted, so i feel blessed to know him, if he wants me for even a minute then its one more minute than I deserve,
Lex
I have fought for so long, screaming in the dark,
I won't say too much, just the essentials, I wanted to come to Canada my whole life, and after many many years, I was eventually blessed to come here, I thought this land would heal me, complete me, and it did, but not how i thought, I was lost, scared, alone, far from home, and then he came, an angel, my hero, my salvation, he held me, he kissed me, he gave me everything I wanted for so long, for a few hours, then he left,
Every beat since my heart has broken more, I'm too ill to carry on, but when I lose hope, I get an email from him, when I want to die, he saves me, he knows nothing of my condition, or my feelings, I think things are casual for him, but for me, he is everything.....and i'm not strong enough to survive without him,
Now defeated, with no where to go, I am to return back to the country that birthed me, and I can't do it, I can't leave this country or him, so I decided that I would go and spend one final weekend with him, (i haven't seen him for over a month...the longest of my life) then I'm going to take my own life, i'm terrified, I don;t want to go to Hell, but maybe I deserve it for the pain I'm going to cause,
thank you for reading this, and if you care, then I thank you even more,
I am hopeless, again left in the dark, and all i'm going to do is cause more pain and heartache, I'm selfish, and cruel, and in so much pain, I feel pathetic, I feel ugly, why does he even want me, he could have any guy he wanted, so i feel blessed to know him, if he wants me for even a minute then its one more minute than I deserve,
Lex