Feeling extremely depressed right now, numb, numb and oh ya numb. Gotta put on a happy smiley face tomorrow for half the day, but I feel really really low. Getting pains in the head, and my brain is failing me lately, typing slowly cause my typing is fucked up...cant read a sentence from beginning to end without having to read it 3 times, no drinking or drugs, just a lot of mental pain becoming physical. I cant relax these days, even when im doing nothing im not relaxed. Always tense and miserable. I day dream about what it would be like to live a normal life, to share the same interests that other people have, more and more lately I feel detached from everyone - friends, strangers...humanity itself. I know ill never have anything approaching "a life". To be able to share my thoughts, feelings and love with anyone special, or even really close friends. Whether you believe that or not, thats how I truly feel. Ive meet some wonderful people through this site but its so, so hollow, talking through glass, to not see people in the flesh, to not see them face to face, share a smile, share a laugh, maybe share something more. I hate the internet, the whole promise of making peoples live better is a fiction, a mirage, some sort of false god the techies worship as the greatest invention since fire....its bullshit. Its just one gigantic waste of time... I dunno, im fed up with the struggle, fed up with hoping against hope. I need a lifeline, to cling to something worth living for. Signed Matt - Down and almost out.